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[Guide] How to make money in EFT

EDIT : Thanks to everybody for pointing out the few mistakes/improvements that can be made in this new-player level guide.
For the sake of summarizing here :
- Intel documents are NOT worth 250k. I didn't check them on the flea before writing this and for some reason I always remembered them at 250k. Game is in maintenance so I can't check the real price. That being said, it's still profitable to craft USB into Intel, it's just not x2 profitable.
- Scav case : moonshine / intel docs, some people seem to say they've never been profitable. I personally *did not* measure those, I eyeballed it. I'm working on so much shit that I didn't bother. On average I think that I'm in a net positive, but it's as believable as people saying they're not : without proof we can't really say for sure. That bein said, it's certainly more profitable to run lower-tier scav runs that are *faster* when you're online, and to run a moonshine or intel when you log off. It's more efficient to get a lot of runs while you can re-start them every time.
- Crafting moonshine : It's not profitable to spam it ; I was under the assumption that the average player who will read this will usually not play for 4-5 hours straight and will end up collecting yesterday's moonshine, craft a new one, and that's it. If that's you're rythm then yes, spam it. If you intend to play more than one craft worth's of time, then you will craft moonshine faster than you can spend it, and it's not really worth to sell it on the flea except to up your market reputation for a small loss (about 10k). So in short : craft moonshine to be able to start a moonshine run for when you log off, but you don't *need* more than that.

Check this out

Here is some actual data on the lavatory !!

Hey everybody !

I know it can be a struggle to get a stable economy in this game, especially when you die a lot. Today I'm gonna try and give a few guidelines on how to make money safely, efficiently, fast, or in any other way we can think of.
If you're struggling to stay above the 15-20 million rouble treshold, this guide is definitely for you.
Very often I'll hear newer players say "Damn I can't seem to make money, I keep loosing. Every time I take gear I die instantly". There is some truth in that. Today I'll help you improve your survival rate, but most importantly I'll unbalance the other side of the equation. When you complain about losing a lot of money, I will help you spend less by a significant margin, as well as earn more. You'll also get rid of gear fera naturally.
Remember this throughout this very, very long read : It all depends on how you want to play, and how much. Some of these tips will not fit how you want to play the game, and like Nikita always says : this game is supposed to be fun before anything else.

1. Hideout

Safety Score : 100%
Reward : Moderate but very stable.
Maxing your hideout should be one of your top priorities, probably before telling your mom how much you love her every now and then. If you're not doing either of those, the big gamer in you knows what to do.
Early wipe, save your fuel for when you're online and playing. If you're playing, your generator should definitely be running and all your stations should be crafting something.
Once you have Medstation 1, Workbench 1 and Lavatory 2, you really have no reason to turn your generator off when you're playing.
Once you have the bitcoin farm, you should never turn off the generator.
Medstation :
Craft salewas and/or IFAKs permanently. They cost 8k and sell for 15k. That's a net profit of about 25k / hour for salewas, as well as never having to buy any.
Lavatory :
Always be crafting Bleach. If you have 2 empty blue fuel, use those empty cans to craft a Magazine case.
You can then keep the magazine cases until you've enough for your liking and sell those for a good profit.
The bleach you will use to buy the 6B47 helmets which are better than the SSh-68 helmets. Buying from 2x bleach barter at ragman level 1 means you get the helmet for 18k (instead of 33k on the market). This helmet has better head coverage, less slow/negative effects, less weight, has a slot for a mount, has +11 ergonomics AND is cheaper than the 22k SSh-68. That being said, it has a slight noise reduction that the Ssh does not have. If you wear headphones I'd say this is negligible but debatable. I prefer to have the extra protection and ergonomics for sure, considering it's slightly cheaper.

You can also barter for that helmet and instantly sell it back for a profit (five times) and level up ragman money requirements.
Bleach can also be traded for the Blackjack backpack at level 4, as well as the TTV rig at level 2. You should definitely do it.
Sell excess bleach on the flea market when the prices are around 10.5k or more. (around midnight Central European Time).
Workbench :
You can buy Power Cords and craft Wires forever and always make a profit. Buy in the morning and sell in the evening for better profits (CET timezone). For even more profit, you can craft gunpowders and ammo which tend to also be ridiculously pricy at night.
Buying grenades from Peacekeeper and crafting green (Eagle) gunpowder is a good way to make a lot of money and level up Peacekeeper.
Intel Center :
You main objective is to get this one to level 3 for reduced fees and better quest rewards, but also access to the bitcoin farm at level 2.
If you need FiR for quests, craft that. When you're done craft Intel Documents at all times (buy the USB), and use it for scav case or sell for a x2 profit. ( 3x40 for USB = 120, documents sell for 250)
Bitcoin Farm :
Once you have it, spend all your money on GPU until its maxxed, then level it up even more. The BTC farm is definitely worth it. At 50GPU you need to connect every 15 hours to clic. If you can't, keep it level 2 and connect every 24 hours to clic. Even at level 1 its worth. But its much, much faster at higher levels.
From 0 to 50 GPUs it takes about 30 days to pay for itself. GPUs should not be sold until you maxxed it.
Water Collector :
Must be running at all times. Buy the components if you don't have them.
Booze Generator :
Must be running at all times. Buy the components if you don't have them.
Scav Case :
Always have it running on moonshine, and use intel documents once you're done crafting one.
Nutrition Unit :
It's not really worth crafting sugar to put in the Booze gen, as the price for chocolate is pretty much = the price of sugar. So buy the sugar instead and craft something else. I tend to craft Hot Rods when the prices are good (morning) and then use them to barter 5.45 BS Ammo with Prapor or sell for a profit.

If you do all that, you should have about 150k an hour fairly easily. Don't forget to check it between every raid.

2. Traders

Safety Score : 100%
Reward : Quite good.
Once your mom has received all the love she deserves and your hideout is taken care of, you should have max traders (traders are a requirement for most of the hideout anyway).
Traders level 4 will net you much better prices on most mods and open very good barter trades.
Buy as much as you can from barter trades. You can buy almost everything from it, and it's usually at least 25% cheaper to buy the requirements and then do the barter. Ragman4 has the CPC Armored Rig which is level 5 armor, you'll get it for about 200k instead of 250k on the flea. The Slick is also much cheaper. The Blackjack backpack is literally half priced.
You can also NOT use what you barter and just sell it back to a dealer (sometimes the same from which you bartered) for a profit as well as having 2 times the loyalty money increase (from bartering then from selling).
Another good example is buying a Recbat 14k from the market, getting an ADAR for skier, selling it to Mechanic and winning 8k just like that. You can find every single barter that nets a profit yourself and just buy-resell and you'll probably make another 100k every reset, if you really are struggling and have the patience. I personally advise to just use the equipment for yourself unless you're levelling traders, but I wouldn't go as far as buying all profitable items every reset.
Every trader at every level has good barters. You can make a full decent kit at level 1 traders for about 40k roubles on barter, instead of 90 if you buy it all. (Paca for masks, helmet for bleach, ADAR for recbatt, salewa from craft, backpack, etc. all barters)

Bleach is beautiful and is coveted in the real world for its ability to cure diseases.

3. Modding

Safety Score : 100%
Reward : Very profitable.
Don't mod out of your reach. Don't mod Meta. If money is an issue for you, having +1 ergo won't change your life.
For example,
Priced at 10k roubles
Priced at 45k Roubles

See where I'm going with this?
If you have money, sure, go for the Shift. If you wanna have fun and try, sure, go for it as well. But if you're struggling, buy 4 cobras and mod 4 guns for the price of 1% recoil which will not make you a gamer god anyway.
Also, do NOT buy mods from the flea market when you see you can buy them from traders. Look at the top of the market, if the mod is greyed out, look at the price. It means you don't have access (yet). If the price is too inflated for you, find another mod. There are always other mods. You can make 2 AKMs that have a difference of 2% recoil and 4 Ergonomics and have a 150k price difference. It's up to you. When money is the issue, this was the answer.

Note : Some guns are inherently much more expensive. Guns shooting 5.56 or 5.45 tend to be more expensive than 7.62. AKMs are VERY good budget guns. They're a bit harder to handle, but you can get a fully modded AK for 150-200k, where as you will have an entry level M4 for that price. 7.62 PS ammo is also incredibly cheap while being decent. Play 7.62 if you're struggling with money. It's not meta, but it's far more than enough, trust me. You'll rarely lose fights exclusively because you had PS ammo in an AKM. Rarely.

4. Statistical loadout balance

This is fairly simple yet overlooked a LOT. To be accurate, you need data. Personally I kept it in an excel spreadsheet, if you're hardcore you should do something similar.

A somewhat relevant spreadsheet I used a wipe ago to measure some of my stats
What you need to know about yourself for this :
These will help us measure how much you fuck up or not.
Lets make it simple.
If you have a 500k loadout and you usually extract with 100k, at 10% survival rate, that means you will spend 500k x 10 = 5.000.000 roubles over 10 raids on average, die 9 times, and earn 100k once. This very obvious example shows the loss.
Basically we're gonna try and balance that equation so that you never lose money on average. You'll have ups and downs obviously, but over a week or two, it'll smooth things out for you, like math always does in a pleasant conversation with a girl.

So what can you do to improve that equation ?

4.1 Improve survival rate

Seems simple enough, DIE LESS. You do not need to be good, smart, or special to die less. If you die a lot, do something different. If you die less, try more of that. Explore statistical advantages through different gameplay.
What can you do to die less practically? Here is a list of checkboxes you can tick depending on your money, skill, mood, or any other factor like the map and sheer luck:
Do all that, it'll give you a LOT of data to actually improve by just doing something different without really being fastestronger, just smarter.
And I repeat : you can do some of it, all of it, it depends on what you like, what you're comfortable with, and the time/investment you're putting in the game. It's okay to play at your own pace.

4.2 Reduce gear cost

The second part of our "profit equation" above is how much gear you take with you. Using previous tips, reduce that cost. Barters, cheaper mods, etc.

4.3 Increase extracted value

This one is not as tricky as it sounds. Basically there are two ways to extract with more money in the backpack :
The goal is to pay for the gear you will loose when you die while making a profit on top. That one time you extract if you have a MBSS backpack, you'll need items worth like 50k per slot to break even. If you take a tri-zip, suddenly it's only 30k per slot. If you take a blackjack and blackrock from good old ragman, suddenly it's 10k per slot. So you can break even by looting crickents and DVD players almost.
See where I'm going ? Always take a tri-zip or bigger unless you're doing something special. That way you can afford to loot shitty areas, take less risk, and survive more while having a little less value.
We'll cover that in a minute, but there are ways to loot high value items, moderate value and low value. Those have also different risk/reward.

All of those are also map specific. In woods I'll often go with a 6B3TM armored rig for 40k, no helmet, 20k headphones and a sniper rifle. Rest is pouched so does not count. That's less than 100k investment. All players tend to have low value gear so I never extract with a lot either so it balances out. But on Woods, my survival rate is 20% instead of my overall 40%. So I know it's not a map I can reliably make money on, because I measured that accurately over time. This example is very common and should make sense to you.
Same goes for interchange where I have more about 50% survival but will tend to go in with 600k worth of gear, but will also often extract with over 500k quite regularly. Different ratios, different values, different purposes.
You can measure your own data if you're willing to do so, or you can eyeball it. Eyeballing it is much faster but very inaccurate because you will tend to include emotions in the mix when you die. You'll remember losses ~2x more than your wins (that's somewhat scientifically proven), and if you're eyeballing your loadout you might think you have 600k but really you might have only 450k. I would advise to go hardcore and measure it all for price, initial loadout, losses and earnings, for each map.

5. Money runs

Now money runs are vast and numerous. All include different levels of risk and reward. It's up to you once again to find what you're willing to do for the time it takes, the fun it will give you and how much it will actually help you. You can always try them all for ~50 raids the sake of trying something different and see how your data is impacted. it doesn't have to be 50 in a row if you don't want to. As long as you keep track of it it can be over a whole wipe. You'd have your data ready for the next wipe :) Faster is better though.

5.1 Hatchling runs

Safety Score : 100%
Reward : Very Variable. Mentally exhausting.
Those are incredibly money efficient. You're investing a gear of 0 value, so whatever you extract with is 100% win, so you cannot possibly lose money that way. Is it fun? Is it rewarding? I don't care, to each is own. Statistcally speaking, hatchling runs are an efficient way to make money.
They do however require a little bit of knowledge, but not skill. You'll be much more efficient at doing these kind of runs if you know where to go, what to look for, and how to get there depending on your spawn. That being said, such knoweldge is easily found ; it's nothing complex, it just takes time to learn. Once again, depends on how much you're willing to invest (if not roubles, time).

5.2 Scav runs

Safety Score : 100%
Reward : Low-ish
Scav runs are also incredibly efficient for the same reason as hatchlings. Except those have a cooldown. Statisticall speaking I have noticed you should always run your scavs as fast as possible on the map where you extract both the fastest and most frequently.
The explanation is simple, lets make it simpler :
The scav is a button that makes you earn free money. When you press it the button becomes unpressable for some time, when you release the button you earn money (sometimes).
That means you want to release the button as often as possible. And for that, you need to release it as fast as possible. It's that simple. So make scavs incredibly fast. I'm talking "Run through" fast.
Unless you're looking for FiR items or doing something specific like annoying a streamer, you should literally run straight to the extract every single time, and loot what you have that doesn't make you go out of your way too much. Usually I suggest factory, go in, kill a random scav, loot it, get out.
Two weapons is at LEAST 50k, 100 if they have a scope. There you go. That's 100k every 20 minutes (or less with intel center). That's MUCH BETTER than going up to 150-200k but taking 30 minutes to extract, and taking more risk by spending more time in the map. Every second you're in someone can shoot. Nobody can shoot you in the hideout.
The exception to that rule is Scavs with a pilgrim which you can take on your favourite loot-run map, probably interchange or reserve. There you should just fill everything you can and extract once you're full, no matter what you have. 30 crickents and an extra gun is fine.

5.3 Stash runs

Safety Score : Very
Reward : Okay
Those are very very safe and can be done with a pistol and a backpack only. Very cheap, quite unchalleneged, for a moderate reward. Just go on a map that you like and run around and loot all stashes until you're full, then get out. You can vary the map/route depending on the traffic of players. Interchange and shoreline are good contenders for that.
It'll net you easy money. Not great money, but definitely safe.

5.4 Loot Runs

Safety Score : Moderate
Reward : Quite alright
Once you have better knowledge/skill you can start having a specific route in a specific map, depending on a specific spawn. So it'll take time to learn. Usually very similar than a hatchling run except this time you bring moderate gear and go for moderate loots. For example, instead of going for fast techlight, in-and-out interchange, you can decide "alright I'll loot 100% of Oli and the computers in the back", it'll take time, but it'll make good loot. More money than stashes, definitely will see scavs to kill, and most probably some more pvp. More risk. If you win that PvP you have even more loot as well. But overall good reward.
Loot runs need to be "scheduled" and thought of after several tries, so you know how much you can take per person depending on backpack size. For example you can't say "lets loot oli" if you have a 5-man with blackjacks, you'll all be empty. Adapt.

5.4 PvP

Safety Score : Insane
Reward : Unreliably moderate
This one is pretty obvious. Very risky, unpredictable rewards. Usually better than loot runs when you survive. I won't elaborate on this, because if you're reading this far you're probably struggling in PvP. And the rest of this guide already covers a fair bit.

6. Insurance

Safety Score : "Meh"
Reward : Very profitable.
Now this is very, very important. Always insure your gear. Always.
If you die you will get stuff back, pretty much for free. If you're really struggling people won't loot your "trash", so you WILL get it back.
If you play in a group it's very likely that people will hide your stuff too.
And most importantly : you can insurance fraud. This is the best way to balance the equation we talked about earlier. If you find a decent-ish gun, replace yours. You drop your initial investment by a significant margin, you will definitely get it back, and if you extract it's a flat profit. Weapons don't take inventory slot, so if you have two weapons that are not yours initially they will usually pay for your whole gear. I have quite often left my super-mega-modded HK just for an average M4 or other weapon that I can fight with, just so I can reduce my investment by 350k and up my reward by like 200k instantly. Replace your headphones all the time too, that's an easy -30+30k, same with helmets. even if it's a bit broken or slightly worse.
If you're struggling with money, try to leave every raid with at least 3-4 pars of your equipment that aren't yours initially.
But value the risk behind this. I won't leave my slick for a Paca at the third minute of a raid just to have that extra 28k. I won't leave my meta-modded HK for a naked mosin. But if it seems decent/doable, do it. It will pay off. Because even if you die, you still get your shit back, and gun is usually the most expensive part of the gear.

7. Final notes

It's all about balance. Find what works *for you* and try shit out. Really, try. You'll die, you'll learn, you'll adapt with data to back that up. I find it crazy that people will die and not try to learn from it. That's how you will improve as a player.
First you gotta get smarter, then you'll get better. And with time, skill, mechanics, gamesense, all that will improve on the side. Earning more will snowball in your favour. And if you know you're statistically okay, you will have a much smaller gear fear and enjoy the game more.

Sorry for the wall of text, you guys should be used to it with me by now :D I made these guides in video but not in english, so here I am typing it all for you guys.
Enjoy :)
submitted by SixOneZil to EscapefromTarkov [link] [comments]

Patch Notes 2.0.0

Hello lovely Mangaswap community!

In the short one month since the last set of patch notes, we have grown from a sub with less than 10,000 members to one with 50,000 members and counting! With the incredible growth the sub has been experiencing, we have made some much needed changes. Without further ado, here are all the changes that have been made.

Mangaswapbot

The biggest (and most time consuming) change that has been made as of late is the development of our very own Mangaswapbot!
Features:
There are still some minor functionalities in development. These include:

Rule revisions

Clarification on rule enforcement and punishment:
Since it’s not clear as to how strict/lenient we are with the rules, we figured it would be good to clarify. For most rules, we will stick to a 3 strike system. Upon violating a rule the first time, you will receive a warning. If you violate a rule a second time, you will again be warned. If you violate a rule a third time, you will be permanently banned. We believe our rules are extremely clear and it’s in the best interest of the community to remove those who can’t follow them.
Exceptions to the 3 strike system include rules 1, 4, 5 , and 6. Rule 1 is at the discretion of the moderators. Any heavy levels of harassment and/or derogatory comments will most likely result in an immediate ban as we don’t tolerate the mistreatment of our wonderful community. Rule 4 and 6 will likely only warrant a single warning as a repeated offence essentially has to be intentional. Finally rule 5 is also at the discretion of the moderators. Asking for Bitcoin, Cashapp, etc. will warrant a single warning if we believe it was out of ignorance, however, if we feel the intention is to scam, a ban will be issued immediately.
  • The order in which the rules appear has been altered for better flow.
  • All posts must now follow the proper title formatting specified under the “Posting Format” section of the sidebar.
  • Rule #3 (updated) - "All selling posts must include prices and pictures. G&S fee must be included in prices.
  • The “70% of MSRP price cap” and “buyers must list prices” were swiftly removed from rule 3.
  • Although we do permit the sale of h-manga and dōjinshi, anything depicting “loli” is banned as it violates Reddit’s ToS.

Posting revisions

  • Monthly trade threads will now be locked 3 days after the newest month’s trade thread is posted.
  • The weekly Q&A thread will now be bi-weekly.

Sidebar revisions

  • We added a mangaswap specific scammer list under the “Important Links” section of the sidebar.
  • On old.reddit, the mod mail button was altered to be largemore visible.

Aesthetic revisions

The community banner has been updated on all platforms. In case you missed it, mari-moth was the winner of our banner contest! Her wonderful banner is the new banner on the new.reddit and reddit mobile UI. We went ahead and designed a fresh new banner ourselves for old.reddit users.
Trade flairs have been updated! The new flairs are as follows:
  • Brown book: 1-4 confirmed trades
  • Red book: 5-9 confirmed trades
  • Orange book: 10-14 confirmed trades
  • Yellow book: 15-19 confirmed trades
  • Light green book: 20-24 confirmed trades
  • Green book: 25-29 confirmed trades
  • Cyan book: 30-34 confirmed trades
  • Blue book: 35-39 confirmed trades
  • Purple book: 40-44 confirmed trades
  • Pink book: 45-49 confirmed trades
  • Bronze book: 50-59 confirmed trades
  • Silver book: 60-69 confirmed trades
  • Gold book: 70-79 confirmed trades
  • Platinum book: 80-89 confirmed trades
  • Black book: 90-99 confirmed trades
  • Rainbow book: 100+ confirmed trades

Misc

If you need to contact the mods for any reason, please feel free to send us a mod mail. Please do not send any of us PMs/DMs in place of mod mail. Any PMs/DMs sent to us regarding moderation will be ignored.

Future plans

At this point in time, the only future plans we have is perhaps making some aesthetic revisions to both old.reddit and new.reddit/mobile.
We are considering adding a “leaderboard” purely for fun. It would show the top 5 or 10 users based on their trade counts in the monthly trade thread. Let us know your thoughts on this!

Closing notes

To the experienced users out there, if you have the time to spare, please take a moment to check the bi-weekly Q&A threads to help answer questions. We would like to make the Q&A thread more inviting to new users and have a larger diversity of input. As of now, most of the questions are answered by the mod team.
If anyone has any comments, questions, or suggestions on anything we implemented or if we forgot something, feel free to let us know. We take each and every suggestion into careful consideration. Remember, we are here for you, the Mangaswap community!
submitted by yonijonathan to mangaswap [link] [comments]

Anonimity. Chapter 1. part 1.

First of all, i want to say Sorry, because i use computer interpeter for text of my book. English isn't native language for me. I can talk with you guys, but text is really difficult to translate manually.
This book about near future in Russia. Sometimes it's full of stereotypes and some manners which are hard to understand for people from USA, Europe and ohter world. Almost everything creations in cyberpunk jenre starting like it's actually happened. In 30\* year or so. No one talks how it started. I try to do it. Hope that U will like it.*
Thanks! Have a nice day!
p.s. I'm always in touch on twitter, facebook and etc. Actually since yesterday on Patreon, Lol.

Anonymity is an impersonal property by the meaning of the adjective; lack of individuality, originality.
I would like to be born earlier, say, in the eighties and nineties, and somewhere in Europe or the USA. The point is not that I am not a patriot, but that it was at this time that progress made leaps and bounds all over the world, it was then that the concept of "globalization" became a symbol of the word "progress".
No joke, the flourishing of car production, a breakthrough in aircraft construction, the beginning of the computer era ... Of course, the Soviet Union took an active part in this, only there is a significant factor that would not allow me to enjoy the above to the fullest. The union died in 1991 and hard times came for the inhabitants of the entire post-Soviet space. I could only stand on the sidelines of all this, remembering the first Nintendo, SEGA, PC and other things that were attributes of the life of adolescents in those days. We were shoved from blue screens, as a given, that everywhere and the grass is greener than the trampled parking lot in front of the house, and the sun shines somewhere brighter there.
The corridors of the educational building of the institute, in which I studied since 2020, looked more like the ruins of an ancient civilization. On the walls there were many portraits of scientists from past years, those who seriously looked at students who did not know what they want from life and why they went to a technical university at all.
With the advent of the Internet to the general public, everyone decided that now you can learn from any corner of the world, read books and perform other useful activities. What actually happened? But in fact, people bare all their vices, the traffic of sites with 18+ content is much higher than that of a site with physical and technical content, which is remembered when writing term papers or theses.
The group of students standing in front of room 203 was no exception. If you look at them from the outside, you can understand what this passage about sites of a narrow focus was about. Here is Maxim, he is dressed in tight trousers, a purse hangs on his shoulder, the key to a fresh BMW is in his hand, next to him is a pretty girl in a skirt with a plaid and a white blouse. She smells of some kind of perfume, from which the nose clogs up and the eyes begin to water. She communicates with him, practically dumping her bust out, which he willingly uses. But why should he - a resident of the capital, who already in life everything worked out from the start, a girl from Ryazan province, who came to conquer Moscow - is unclear. First of all, it is not clear to Kirill and Mishka, the two ringleaders of the group, they live in the same room in a hostel and come to the institute in broken-down Zhiguli car. How many years have passed, and these piles of iron still plow the vastness of the universe. The guys do not boast about it, they work part-time in the delivery of pizza and sushi. The work is difficult in places, but if they are here, then they survived. They came from the Orenburg region in the hope of gaining a foothold here, who brought whom - we still need to think, but one thing I can say for sure, everyone needs friends, which means they will not be lost. They are standing with Vit'ka, a resident of the Moscow region, and therefore not in the hostel. The non-rubber dorms in Non-rubber city are beauty. And what he spends, like many of the group, two hours on the road, few people care. I stood in the corner and crammed notes. The rest of the group worried me a little, because I practically did not communicate with them, only on institutional matters. There were a total of twelve people, and in fact almost twenty heads were enrolled in the first year ... - Hey, Kit, look, - said Mishka, who came up to me, nodding at Max.
- I don’t see what to look at,- I looked up from the notes for a second and again buried myself back.
-She’ll strangle him with her airbags now,- he continued.
- Well, at least then Maxim will die happy, I suppose.
- It's already good to cram, the last exam. And then - final exams are handed over, and - freedom. Good already. You have everything on the ointment with the teacher, - Kirill jumped cheerfully.
- On "ointment" does not mean that I will not have to answer questions and take the test part. And there is a commission from all over the department.
- Listen, it's good to fill in, well, - Vitya joined us, - the whole department adores you. The one who needs to worry is her, - he nodded again at Max's interlocutor, - her whole brain will now fall out into the street, and by the age of thirty it will sag to the navel. It’s not the "same coat" now.
- Not understood?! Have you checked, or what? - Mishka and Kirill responded in unison, bulging their eyes at Vitya. - What's the difference whether I checked it or not. I'm just as uninteresting to her as you two are, - He answered.
- No, no, no, come on in more detail here, - said Mishka, folding his arms over his chest, which made his shirt start to crack at the seams. The guys got stronger from physical work.
- Yes, a couple of years ago, I arrived at the institute in my aunt's car. She lives in Moscow, near Sadovoe ring, - began Vitya.
- Well, I remember, she seems to have a Mercedes E-class. We rode at night, - with their conversation, they did tear me away from repeating the material.
- Well, - he continued, - my aunt was leaving for Cyprus for two weeks to rest. She loves me, she cannot have children, so she spoils her nephew. So she said: "Here are the keys to the house, here are the keys to the car. Simple equipment is harmful." I already refused, but she did not accept objections. We rode with you on the third day, and at the end of the week, this madam approaches, - he nodded towards Max, - and it began, everything is the same, the chest is protruding, hints and so on.
- And then what ?! - asked Kiril.
- Next, I collected a scholarship, borrowed it from you, and went for a walk. And that, then it seemed to me, the girl is not bad. We went to Cafe, walked around Zaryadye guide-park. Word for word, we ended up at my aunt’s house, and I’m not taking her to my area. Well, that's all, as they say in the novels.
- And the details? - put in Mishka, - Let's paint, otherwise we see the object, the fantasy works, but here it is.
- There will be no details, I'm talking about the bed in the bed, where you can't get, Misha. I can only say that next week after, we did not get out of it. And then my aunt arrived, and I again returned to my mother in the village. And she said, "let's go for a drive, and let's go to you." Well, I said that I live in a village near Yegoryevsk. She even threatened to declare to write, they say, I forced her all week ... It's good that the threats remained so.
- What are we going to do, Max is swimming, apparently, - I said, looking at how our friend's cheeks melt and his eyes grow cloudy.
- Don't piss, Keith. Look here, - Mishka winked and confidently walked towards the couple.
- Mishka, you would at least wash the dirt from under your nails!- Kirill shouted after him, to which he was sent with his middle finger over his shoulder.
- Let's see how the matter ends, do not distract him, - I asked Kirill.
It is worth making a digression here. Maxim was the son of the head of a department of some multinational corporation. He was not a typical daddy's son, he did not shine with intelligence, but he was not stupid either. He was also not a spoiled major. He dressed modestly, but tastefully, for the first two courses he took the metro, then moved with the help of his father to a second-hand German car. In the first year, we helped each other, all five, and on that one we became friends. When we could have tied a few lines of code together, Max's father started throwing hack for us. Also, he asked to help his younger talent. Who would have thought that from the fourth year the talent itself would be interested in everyone and the money of his father would be spent by all of us on a joint revelry, now in the hostel, then in the country. But we have postponed something. By the way, Max was always ashamed of his father's dachas and loved our simple dachas, in which there was nothing but a house and a bathhouse. And about the fact that we all slept - anywhere, I will not tell. The father gave Max a new car only the other day, when he realized that his son deserved a gift for the end.
The death of Vitya's father brought us even closer, it seems, in his third year ... His father was a strong man who himself left the city closer to the earth. He started a household and so on ... We turned out to be the healthiest foreheads, and carried the coffin to the cemetery. It so happened that he and his mother had few loved ones, and even those old people. Oncology did not ask whom to pick up. Vitya did not live with his aunt, although she always had a room ready for him. He told her: "Who will I leave my mother to?" So we were friends with our five all the time.
In the meantime, Mishka confidently approached the couple, taxied behind Max, shook him by the shoulders, said something, which made Madame's face turn red, and this could be seen even through the foundation, and now they already walked towards us.
- Grandmaster, not otherwise, - Kiril said on exhalation.
- I suggest everyone go out for a smoke, - I said as the guys approached, and we headed for the stairs.
So we, with our motley company, migrated to the entrance to the educational building. The big sign "NO smoking" got an ashen smiley with a mustache, beard, and who was not so cultured, painted what is usually painted on fences in the village. In general, the spirit of student unity was evident here as well. We lit a cigarette with our friendly company.
- Well, what, the last exam, eh?- I began.
- Yes, finally, and then already tired, the sun is outside, girls in skirts, and we are sitting here, - picked up Max.
- Yeah, is it you who fell for the skirt, or just got confused? - I poked him.
- Yes, she came, word for word, so, chatter about nothing, and I see that she constantly props her chest with her hands, but the look itself fell there, - Maxim began to make excuses.
- Yeah, and when the bodice is removed and stops propping up, I guarantee that you will want to put a basin, as if from a drink. This good will fall, like the bitcoin rate in tenths, and everything will end either with a wedding on a fake pregnancy, or you will pay off so that she does not apply for you, - Vitya continued.
- And how do you know, Vitos? You're still a quiet one. Probably, he didn't even hold on to the handle, - Maxim tried to continue the excuse.
- The best defense is offense? - Kirill interjected.
- Hush, Kir. Max, just the same with her and held on to the handle. Remember the third year, when we rode in my aunt's car.
- Let's say. I remember.
- So she was gone for two weeks, and we drank one. The second week I was busy with her, or rather, she suggested it herself, and I did not refuse. I ended up borrowing money from you in order to pay off her. As I remember, a shiver breaks through.
- So you said that on a wheelbarrow, which he threw as soon as he bought, - Max refused to believe.
- As you understand, I didn't buy a car, but paid Madame for services, - Vityok involuntarily grimaced.
- Oh, - Max realized, - I apologize, and thanks for the warning. I just lacked the Ryazan milkmaid.
- Do not forget about saggy tits, - added Mishka.
- Yes, Ryazan milkmaid with sagging tits, - repeated Max and threw out the cigarette butt. We followed suit and returned to the corridor.
There were still a couple of minutes before the start of the exam, there were even more people, room 203 was an amphitheater, which made it possible to conduct exams for a large number of students. Organized groups of students crowded, according to my estimates, at least three, which means about fifty people. That's really, wholesale is cheaper.
- So, gentlemen graduates! - the head of our department, a woman in years, but with an iron grip, and, moreover, an excellent teacher, came out of the office. - I ask you to take seats in the audience.
We are located on the same row, all of our five. As per the precepts, not far, but not close to the commission. If you sit close - you will be in plain sight as a crammer, if from behind - as a gouge. The tactics were working, the answer cheats were prepared in paper, jammers were knocking out the Internet and all kinds of wireless headphones. White noise was reproduced in the headphones, but our Galya (Ryazan milkmaid) was not ready for such a scenario, and upon switching on she began to look around the audience helplessly. We did not gloat, but we did not deprive ourselves of moral satisfaction.
Sweating over the ticket, I wondered, what will happen after school? I didn’t understand at all why I was going to become a programmer. I studied a little, something and somehow, but do I see myself in the profession ??? Not sure. Okay, war will tell the plan. I quickly wrote answers to three out of four questions, thought for a long time, but did not win. Okay, one more four, one less. Kiril and Mishka tensed, their foreheads were covered with sweat, but they write something tirelessly. The commission was already minding its own business and paid less attention to us.
- Pssss, - Max shouted to me.
- What? I replied in a whisper.
- After the exam we are going to my village house, to have a carouse. And I do not want to know the refusal. Pass on. Dad threw off the SMS, I didn't have time to say.
- So you wrote everything? - You offend! I got a favorite topic. And how many business card-sites we riveted, I will keep silent. So that.
On this wonderful note, all students were asked to submit papers. Traditionally, only those with a controversial assessment were personally interviewed. None of our company got into this number, so we loaded into the Maxim's BMW and drove out the City.
The Moscow heat, who has been, knows how hot it is in the megalopolis in summer, especially when the changed tiles get hot for the hundredth time, but the breeze is gone. We left the building happy and tired. The presentation of the diplomas was expected in a month, and today two B grades, A grade for Vitya and C grade for Kirill and Mishka. We went out, Max opened a pack of cigarettes that his father had brought him from Cuba, I think "Cohiba", knocked out a cigarette for everyone and gave them a light. Silently we dragged on simultaneously and headed to the car.
- So, - Max said sternly, - we don't smoke inside!
- I see, - we answered and finished smoking, standing near the apparatus.
I sat in front, as the tallest, the rest of the guys were in the back. Mishka was unlucky most of all, he was pushed into the middle, consider that he rode more inconveniently and higher than all those present, and the village-house was already beyond Sergiev Posad. So from time to time on the hummocks our friend switched to falsetto, while the others enjoyed the ride. Father gave Max a five-sreies with many options in the cabin, but not a very voluminous engine, so that there was no desire to drive beyond measure.
- Max, are we going to stop by the store? Is there meat, booze? - I asked when we drove onto the Yaroslavl highway, breaking through the Moscow traffic jams.
- No, Dad organizes everything. For everyone. There are booze, meat, baths and other joys of life. The whole house is at our disposal, - Max answered calmly and the joyful hubbub of our comrades was heard from the back row.
After some time, we drove into the woods, where we turned into an elite village. Someone lived here permanently, while someone here just had a summer residence. The father of our friend belonged to the second type of people. It's easier to do things when you live next to work and Moscow City is just a stone's throw away, then in general it is beyond praise. Max pressed a button and the gate obediently slid to the side.
- Wow, a house, - drawled Mishka.
- Wow. I saw this in the picture, and even then not often, - Kira echoed.
- And you would pay more attention to common girls when my father called us to celebrate the launch of their product on the market, - Max answered.
- So you were here?
- Yes, we were once,
- I answered.
- Uh-huh, - said Vityok.
There was something to be surprised at. A two-story European-style mansion among trees, with a large veranda on which stood a heavy oak table and chairs. There was also a tennis court at some distance. There was a large garage and a barbecue corner on site. In front of the house there is a lawn with various conifers. Before leaving the car, we smelled the smell of meat.
- Apparently, the father of his cook asked to cook everything, so you guys won't be able to leave hungry, - Max began, getting out from behind the wheel.
- So we were not going to !! - he heard the chorus from behind, and we left the ship.
We decided to go through the house, washing our hands along the way. Heavy oak planks didn't even think to creak when we fell out of the house. These are not modern plastic boards that prick and knock, while crackling like a Chinese bouncy. We went to the table, on which there were already salads, an aperitif was poured into the glasses. We drank.
- And what is this sweet muck? - Mishka responded.
- This is an aperitif, served before meals, so that you want to crackle more, Mish, - Maxim answered.
- Is it like - beer before vodka? Got it, - Kirill responded.
- Okay, I propose to start our celebration, otherwise, you never know, you will take whiskey for used oil, - Maxim continued as the owner.
- Young people. I am glad to welcome you! - a man in a cook's jacket appeared and began to tell us what dishes were on the table. In addition to the Greek salad, there was a warm tuna salad, and some other appetizers, the names of which I did not remember. From his speech, only Max understood the names, and we sat with our mouths open. Well, Vitya and I understood something, but Kirill and Mishka were sitting, frankly with the lower jaw on the floor.
- He's not cursing now? - asked Cyril when the cook left.
- No, he told me what was on the table and what would be on the hot. So, if I were you, I would pour it already, graduates!
- So we will pour! - Mishka took a bottle of Chivas, poured himself, - Who else? he asked briskly.
- Give it to me, - Kiril answered, for which he received his glass of whiskey.
- No, I'm white wine,- Vitya replied, taking a bottle of semi-dry wine.
- I thought there were no girls among us! - Mishka responded with a challenge.
- Misha, don't get to the bottom of him, I'll have vodka and juice myself, so as not to fly to the first space flight ahead of time, - I interjected.
- Let's have a drink already, otherwise you are pouring for three hours, - Max finished the squabble with a glass of vodka. - For the passed certification!
The owner of the house raised toast after toast, we ate dishes on both cheeks. To say that it was delicious is to say nothing, it was wonderful! The funniest thing was to look at Mishka and Kirill, who for the first time saw tuna not in a can, but in a salad, and it was also pink in color. Then the salads were replaced by meat, rack of lamb, ribs in sauce, steaks and various grilled vegetables. Freshly cooked fries teased with flavor ..
submitted by Suharrik to u/Suharrik [link] [comments]

💲💲💲 FREE MONEY MEGA THREAD (20+ Huge Offers) – Stocks, Crypto, Bank Accounts, Credit Cards – Step By Step Instructions And Tips From Someone Who Has Done Them All And Will Answer Any Questions You Have

This is a great time to start investing in both the stock market and in cryptocurrency. These are also easy ways to get free money during these hard times. Here is a list of my personal referral codes/links so that you can take advantage of these offers as well. I have done all of them and they all work! If you use any of them, feel free to DM me so I can thank you personally. Also feel free to DM me with any questions if you need help setting any of these up and I’d be happy to walk you through it. Happy investing!
Brokerage Accounts / Investing in Stocks:
SoFi
https://www.sofi.com/share/invest/2862843
You get a $75 bonus when you deposit $1,000. No fees for buying and selling stocks. If you sign up for SoFi you can also do a separate promotion on SoFi Crypto where you get a $25 bonus when you deposit $10. You can also get a separate $75 bonus when you sign up for a SoFi Money account.
WeBull
https://act.webull.com/i/jKRbhTy1hIcV/kuz/ - Must use this link on a mobile device
You get 2 free stocks when you deposit $100. One stock is valued from $2.50-$250, and the other stock is valued from $12-$1400. Once you are already a customer they send out much bigger targeted promotions. Right now there is one where you can earn 100 free shares valued at $9-$1000 per share. No fees for buying and selling stocks.
Tastyworks
https://start.tastyworks.com/#/login?referralCode=REF38VAEHR
You get 100 free shares of stocks valued from $1-$6 per share. I’m not even sure if I get anything for this one, but hopefully this helps you out. No fees for buying and selling stocks. You must open a cash account or margin account. You must deposit at least $2,000 and enter promo code STOCK_AWARD_20
Robinhood
https://join.robinhood.com/josephc1694
You get a free stock valued up to $229.24. All you have to do is sign up and link your bank account. That’s it. You don’t even need to deposit anything at all. Crazy. Also no fees for buying and selling stocks.
Crypto:
eToro
https://etoro.tw/3g75jKm
You get a $50 bonus when you deposit $50.
Coinbase (These are all separate promotions and you can do them all)
https://www.coinbase.com/join/chorvi_y
You get a $10 bonus when you buy or sell $100 worth of crypto on here. I would recommend depositing $100 and making a purchase.
https://coinbase.com/earn/oxt/invite/xk16vypm
You get a bonus of $12 worth of free Orchid (OXT) for watching a few videos. If you’re not familiar with crypto, yes, this is a real currency that you can either exchange for cash, or hold as it appreciates. Do this one after you sign up for a Coinbase account with my first link.
https://coinbase.com/earn/eos/invite/27dbgy61
You get a bonus of $10 worth of free EOS for watching a few videos. If you’re not familiar with crypto, yes, this is a real currency that you can either exchange for cash, or hold as it appreciates. Do this one after you sign up for a Coinbase account with my first link.
https://coinbase.com/earn/xlm/invite/jrp8s50h
You get a bonus of $10 worth of free Stellar Lumens (XLM) for watching a few videos. If you’re not familiar with crypto, yes, this is a real currency that you can either exchange for cash, or hold as it appreciates. Do this one after you sign up for a Coinbase account with my first link.
Voyager
https://go.onelink.me/4gTreferral?af_sub5=D1DYR0 - Must download the Voyager app and use this code to get the bonus - D1DYR0 (that’s a zero at the end)
You get a bonus of $25 worth of free Bitcoin when you deposit $100 and buy any crypto with it. This is a great app for trading crypto… no fees at all.
BlockFi
https://blockfi.com/?ref=d05c690b
You get a bonus of $10 worth of free Bitcoin when you deposit $100 worth of crypto to your BlockFi Interest Account. This is not an exchange where you buy crypto, but more like a savings account for your crypto, with great interest rates. You must keep your crypto deposit there until at least the next interest payment day, which I think is about a month.
Celsius Network
https://celsiusnetwork.app.link/175807e46c - To get the bonus, you must use the referral code 175807e46c
You get a bonus of $10 worth of Bitcoin when you deposit $200 worth of crypto. This is not an exchange where you buy crypto, but more like a savings account for your crypto, with great interest rates. Your bonus gets deposited into your account after 30 days. You must not withdraw anything until then.
There are 2 more working promo codes for Celsius Network once you sign up for your account. SPRING and APRIL0410. So first sign up for an account with my initial referral link/code, and then after you’ve deposited the initial $200, click on “Enter Promo Code,” and enter SPRING. Then deposit $100 more worth of crypto and you’ll get another $10 bonus that will be deposited in your account 30 days from now. Then do the exact same thing with the promo code APRIL0410. You can do all of these on the same day. Just remember not to make any withdrawals until ALL of your bonus money has been deposited into your account 30 days later.
Crypto Faucets:
They give away free Bitcoin and make money through the ads on their website. Earn free crypto just for clicking on the “Roll” button every hour, and by doing other things like taking surveys, watching videos, etc.
Freebitco
https://freebitco.in/?r=37784157
Cointiply
http://cointiply.com/RGowO
Banks:
Chase Bank
https://accounts.chase.com/raf/share/439379787
You get a $600 bonus for opening a Chase checking account and setting up direct deposit, and opening a Chase savings account and depositing $15,000 and maintaining the balance for 90 days. You can also do either one of these offers by themselves for a partial bonus. The direct deposit only has to happen one time and can be for any amount. I qualified for the bonus by selling a $20 ticket on Stubhub and ACHing that money to my Chase checking account. That counted as a “direct deposit.” HUGE bonus here!
Credit Cards:
Chase Freedom Unlimited
https://www.referyourchasecard.com/18/IO78YF2ELJ
https://www.referyourchasecard.com/18/R3181YOXC2
You get a $200 bonus when you spend $500 in the first 3 months. Plus 1.5% cash back on every purchase. No annual fee.
American Express Blue Cash Everyday
http://refer.amex.us/JOSEPCltOO?xl=cpm4
You get a $150 bonus when you spend $1,000 in the first 3 months. You also get 3% cash back on groceries, 2% cash back at gas stations and department stores, and 1% cash back on everything else. No annual fee.
Loans:
SoFi
https://www.sofi.com/share/2862843
You get a $100 bonus for taking out a personal loan or for refinancing a student loan with SoFi.
submitted by HumbleGuy3 to studentdiscounts [link] [comments]

(TDN) script + edits. ATTENTION this is for humor this does not mean I like the trends/celebrities involved. Also it's slightly edgy

ATTENTION this is for humor this does not mean I like the trends/celebrities involved. Also it's slightly edgy
Thanks to https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgD0z6P5xtb8QrZeb5GvjpA
My channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZSXW4Dc95if3tmqV84veeA
Proof of originality https://youtu.be/qut-Hqe8u2g (this one is different due to edits)
There may be some problems with the script. Sorry
THEY'RE DISCRETE AT NIGHT -by elijah snodgrass
Characters-
-Nazi Elmo -Pedestrians (5) -David Dorbrick -Incredible Hulk -Fisherman -goku -Twilight Sparkle -DanTDM -Danny Phantom -Spanky the Monkey -Goku’s Kneecap -10 Pirates -Sonic the Hedgehog -European Union -FBI Agent 1 -FBI Agent 2 -FBI Agent 3 -Eliza Thornberry -God -Nicky Manaj -Eminem -Harry Potter -Gangster Fat Guy (Pete) - 10 Communists -Ash -Mage -Kraken -Sentient Water Bottle -Dash Sears -Cleric -Car -Christian -Knuckles -The Worms -Sam -China Guy -Smacky the Monkey -News Host 1 -News Host 2 -Bambie_G -Backup Singer 1 -Backup Singer 2 -Abraham Lincoln -5 Cult Members -Cultist -Kat-B320 -Cosplayer -Ling -Dentist -Sign Holder -Literally The Pope -2 models -Lagoona -Math Guy -old man Sign Holder walks across the stage holding a sign that says “December 2 1940 (WW2)”
Curtains open on a backdrop that is late at night. (Lights Off). A van can be seen down the road the headlights blind pedestrians causing them to fall to the ground holding their eyes. A figure emerges from the white van. The figure is not easy to see in the shadows. Someone covered in red fur waits in the abandoned McDonald's drive through, It is nazi Elmo. The figure comes out of the darkness into the buzzing lights (Spotlight On) beside the McDonald's revealing that he is David Dobrick.
Elmo: I've been waiting for you.
David Dobrick: Elmo stop playing these games!
Elmo: What do you mean?
David Dobrick: why here?
David dobrick gives Nazi Elmo a duffle bag Elmo eyes it closely sniffing it deeply.
David dobrick: I'm leaving now there's no more for me to do.
Elmo takes out a Mauser and shoots David directly in the head. David falls to the ground making a desperate attempt to crawl away he finally gives back a final breath.
Elmo: a shame, You were a fine minion.
Sign Holder crawls across the stage holding a sign that says “December 2, 1999”
The curtains close and reopen to a small village.
The incredible hulk: Did you hear about last night?
Fisherman: Shut up, I'm just selling fish!
Hulk: you will never understand.
Fisherman: are ya buyin or not. (randomly an Irish accent).
Hulk: Yeah yeah.
Hulk digs into his ripped purple shorts. He digs for about a minute then finally takes out a bag. The bag contains a few strange blue coins. Hulk flips a coin to him he takes the fish.
Fisherman: This isn't money!
Hulk dashes away from the fisherman with great speed and agility, Danny Phantom enters and seems confused DanTDM does the same.
Danny Phantom: Where am I????
DanTDM: Dad, really?.
Danny Phantom: Ho Ho HO you always get me.
Twilight enters cheerily.
Twilight sparkle: Hello magical friends.
Danny Phantom blushes showing an extremely desperate attempt to hide his major crush for twilight, Goku enters with a long grin and a teapot.
Goku: I lost my vocal cords.
Goku’s kneecap: No your wrong.
Twilight jumps into a pit of cherry jello and suffocates to death The lights abruptly dim, After a while hulk chims up
Hulk: Damn it's getting’ dark y'all!
Goku: Your right we should find a spot to camp.
DanTDM looks over into a strange door that seems to be connected to a cave, The door has metal bars coming down the it and the doorknob is broken off. DanTDM walks over to it and so do the rest of them.
DanTDM: This place looks super scary!
DanTDM opens the door by putting his foot under it and prying it open. They all travel down.
Hulk: If something approaches i'll smash them.
Danny Phantom: I'll send them into the ghost mug.
Nazi Elmo aproaches holding a lanturn veering the light towrds them.
Nazi Elmo: I thought I told earth a lesson last time.
Hulk: ive heard of this, Its nazi Elmo. An ultra hybrid evolving demon from WW2. my father always told me he would come but I never believed him, I guess he was right!
Nazi Elmo: Yes thats right, now i will destroy the human race.
Goku forms a blue energy into his hands and blasts nazi Elmo he flies into a wall.
Nazi Elmo: Dang, you used the unspell spell, now i cant destroy you.
Goku: Not only that but I formed a lock spell so you can't touch us.
Nazi Elmo tries to punch goku but it goes right through him.
Danny Phantom: We still have to rest in this wretched dungeon to discover tomorrow.
Spanky the monkey enters.
Spanky the monkey: hey y'all!
DanTDM: OH NO!
DanTDM pulls out a yellow sword and slices the monkey. Spanky the Monkey dies.
DanTDM: I only leave bones on the ground and blood on my sword.
Nazi Elmo pulls out a duffle bag and throws it at Danny Phantom. Everyone other than Elmo teleports outside.
Danny Phantom: Wha-What is this?
Nazi Elmo: heehee.
Danny Phantom opens the bag and pulls out a strange device. Nazi Elmo presses a button on the device. A hydrogen bomb comes out from the device and goes into the sky and blows up the moon.
Nazi Elmo: i do what i must, HeeHeeHee...
Moon pieces fall from the sky striking DanTDM and danny Phantom in the leg.
DanTDM: Oh god its in my head AHHHH!!!
Danny Phantom: my-my heart it h- uuuuhhhh
Danny Phantom falls to the ground covered in blood, After a minute of everyone watching danny chokes on his blood and dies. Goku forms a green beam onto DanTDM and the moon piece is healed
Goku: i healed the crater in your head. A hearty gang of 10 pirates enter drinking rum and singing.
Everyone in the gang: “HeeHee We kill with glee while we shoot them dead in their heads.”
Sonic enters selling canned chili tacos at an alarming rate.
Sonic: God i've already sold 400,000,000 cans of chili tacos.
Sonic: what's this?
Sonic picks up the teleport box and clicks it teleporting the remaining people in the area and spankys dead corpse to the EU building. The entire European Union senate enters chatter emerges from the crowd, Nazi Elmo enters soon after him no one follows.
Goku enters 5 seconds later.
The whole EU starts talking Nazi Elmo shoots through them cauing them all to fall on a fence decapitating them all.
Elmo: That'll deal with the economy.
Eliza Thronberry(respected EU member) enters.
Goku: Damn your kinda hot!!
Eliza Thornberry: Thank you teehee.
The fbi enters.
Fbi Agent 1: I'm a unoriginal character forced In by the editors
Fbi Agent 2: hands on behind your back.
Fbi Agent 3: You hear us???? We said do it.
Goku: no.
Goku blast all three agents into a pile of ash and organs.
Eminem enters
Eminem: I eat cheetos, Powdered like doritos, I steal the fritos, Goku don't need a knee tho.
Eminem shoots Goku in the knee.
Goku’s kneecap dies.
Nicky Manaj enters.
Nicky: Ey yo i'm Nicky Manaj.
Nicky kills herself out of fear.
Goku: all my friends die at some point
Curtains close, Everyone leaves the scene The curtains open revealing an exterior of walmart Harry potter enters.
Harry: I really am a wizard and my powers are extreme.
Harry sends a lightning blast into the sky.
Harry: that’ll teach god a lesson.
God enters.
God: How dare you defy me mortal.
Harry stabs god, Gangster Fat Guy enters.
Gangster Fat Guy is holding two models both sides of him With a gold chain and grills.
Gangster Fat Guy: Eyyyyy yoyoyoyo Waddup homie.
Gangster Fat Guy pulls out a glock 18 and sends 3 shots towards harry all shooting him in the chest instantly killing him.
Gangster Fat Guy: God was my brudda that's your payback.
Gangster Fat Guy puts away his glock takes out a mic Gangster fat guy starts singing to this beat https://youtu.be/lHuQlCXvXfk.
Gangster Fat Guy: “Yu Yu, My life hard, I can't afford lard, I once was barred, EWEEEEEEE, I smoke tea, I'm green.”
The communist party enters
Every communist(10): Smell us.
Goku enters
Goku: no why would I do that.
Gangster fat guy shoots them all once in the head killing them all immediately.
Gangster fat guy: Alright we need to work together.
Goku: i know.
They both walk out.
Sign Holder Sprints across the stage holding a sign that says “Many years later 2198 december 2 in An alleyway by fred meyers and wendys”.
Nazi Elmo: I finally figured it out HAHAHAHA gokus spell has been destroyed.
Goku enters
Goku: Nope, you dumb.
Goku blasts nazi Elmo killing him.
Gangster fat guy: Nice.
They both leave, Sentient water bottle enters. Sentient water bottle peices together nazi Elmo. Nazi Elmo awakes Goku reenters, Goku blasts the waterbottle and nazi Elmo again.
Goku: Ha you thought. Also I love Elijah snodgrass and u/crunchedspine (just in case someone copy pastes without reading)
Ash ketchum enters.
Ash: God I need to catch them all.
Goku: Why?
Ash grabs out a pokeball and throws it at goku, Goku is crunched into the pokeball
Ash: YES.
A mage enters
Mage: I have healed someone
Ash: I CHOSE YOU GOKU.
Goku: AHHHHHH.
Goku comes out of the ball and shoots a laser at the mage. Mage dies.
Mage: HOW COULD YOU AHHHHHHHH!!
Ash: good going goku.
Goku: The taxes won't pay themself.
Goku takes his fedora and walks out the door, Ash falls to the ground shaking and crying.
Ash: Why do I live!
Ash picks up spanky's dead corpse and eats him
Ash(With his mouth full): MMmf So good MMMMf.
Ash takes out a torch and burn his eyes out and dies, Sonic enters.
Sonic: my numbers has made it too 500,000,000,000,000 sold but now i have a broken back and a fatal disease.
Hulk enters, Hulk smashes sonic to death, The kraken enters.
Kraken: I WILL SMACK YOU TO DEATH.
Gangster fat guy enters.
Gangster fat guy: What?
Gangster fat guy shoots the kraken The kraken dies leaving ink on the ground, Christian enters.
Christian: hello my name is christian.
Christian comes to terms with his fatal decisions and jumps off the stage killing himself
gangster fat guy: hi bruddas.
Gangster fat guy gets a parasite.
Gangster fat guy: AAAAHHHHH MY BRAIN.
Gangster fat guy shoots the parasite.
Gangster fat guy: I win like usual, But i love hulk.
Gangster fat guy blushes.
Hulk: You do?
Gangster fat guy: yes.
Hulk smashes gangster fat guy to death hulk was so sad he dies, Dash sears enters.
Dash: Where is it?! Where is he?!
Dash stabs himself in the stomach and dies, A cleric enters.
Cleric: i will heal you.
Cleric heals gangster fat guy and then dies from using all of power.
Gangster fat guy: thanks pops.
A nissan altima car enters and seems confused about the death.
Car: But why would that happen.
The car explodes
Gangster fat guy: My name is pete.
Pete: I will find goku.
Pete goes out the door and 5 seconds later pulls out. Goku and Knuckles enter.
Knuckles: Give the pick-le or get the stick-le.
Pete: pickles are not round these parts.
Goku blasts Knuckles into the sun, Knuckles survives.
Knuckles: You tried you apple pies.
Knuckles folds his spine. Knuckles: I don't think I can take this emotional trauma.
Knuckles runs off crying, a little while later goku starts talking to break the silence, worms crawl at his feet and enter.
Goku: The worms still talk to me.
The Worms: No we don't.
Goku: Nevermind.
Pete: What were you saying.
Goku: Nothing just dont worry about it.
Pete: Ever since I was a kid I was into crime.
Goku: Don't worry my friend we will get through this.
Pete starts crying and sits on Goku’s lap.
Goku: Kinda burns.
Pete: Did you hear that.
Pete actually heard nothing he just really felt like lying, Worms leave.
Goku: No.
Pete: we have to go.
Goku: Your just wrong.
Pete shoots goku in the chest, Goku runs off bleeding out, Pete leaves, Goku enters.
Goku: I thought I loved him he was a brother.
Knuckles enters.
Knuckles: The chamber clangs
Gangster pete and goku enters a chamber everyone else is left behind, There is a ghost and its nazi Elmo, Nazi Elmo comes back to life.
Goku: this is too creepy guys lets skip.
A While later Knuckles, nazi Elmo, pete and goku all enter the dollar store.
Knuckles: I'm buying a cap no cap though.
Knuckles walks to the register, sam is at the register.
Sam: costs 40$.
Knuckles: no money.
Sam: ok.
They leave, curtains close news reporter enters
Reporter: breaking news local clerk sam is dead!
The reporter leaves. Curtains open to a skate park. Goku enters, Goku’s chest is very revealed Princess peach enters as well.
Princess peach: Your Mega hot!!!
Princess peach loves goku so much she dies.
Goku: Why does everyone i love leave me?
Goku starts crying, goku looks up.
Goku: Alright guys we have to find the key.
They all start skating 5 sec later.
Goku: guys?!
Goku looks into the sky. Knuckles enters
Knuckles: wassup bruv.
Goku forms an energy circle around him, pete and knuckles he starts to scream as he uses energy.
Goku: AAAHHHHH!
Knuckles: It's a nuke!
Pete: we must go to China to escape, it's the only way!
Goku teleports pete, knuckles, and himself to China with his superpowers.
Goku: we are in China now.
China guy enters.
China guy: 死了不然.
Goku: i will not.
China guy takes out a katana. Goku blasts china guy. China guy deflects the blast with his sword. China guy dashes towards goku and swings, Goku dodges.
Goku: You think you can beat me?
China guy: 是.
Goku blasts china guy and he runs away bleeding, Knuckles starts selling towels rapidly.
Knuckles: they are cheap!
Pete pulls out a gun and shoots his feet.
Pete: if I can't walk i'll fly.
Pete flies into the air.
Goku: Where do you think he is now.
Knuckles: We'll never know.
Knuckles starts being a socialist.
Goku’s Kneecap: I am back.
Goku takes his new kneecap and shoves it into his kneecap-less knee, Smacky The Monkey enters.
Pete: OoooH yeaahhh baby (groaning)
Pete eats Smacky the monkey cause he is hungry.
Pete: Oh snap, I need some salt.
Pete leaves to retrieve it.
Goku: We gotta head to the village for food.
The curtains close opening on the village. Goku, and the fisherman enter.
Fisherman: I ain't got no food today, but I got some salt.
Goku: I'll take some brie cheese.
Fisherman: That'll be one bitcoin.
Goku: GREAT! That's the exact amount of money I own!
Fisherman: Gimme the coin or we “might” slice you fingers.
Goku: My guy, Chill.
Goku hands over a bitcoin. Hulk enters.
The Incredible Hulk: Did you hear about last night?
Goku: Only sometimes adventurers fonder the dark depths (An old man with a long past voice)
Curtains close. A desk gets pushed out from behind the curtains. News Host 1 enters. News Host 2 enters. Breaking news music plays.
Host 1: BREAKING NEWS (YELLING)!
The lights start flashing. Host 1 has an epileptic seizure
Host 2: Well ha ha. He IS from Florida.
Laugh track plays.
Host 1: That's all for today! See you next time!!!
Curtains close than open to a darkly lit stage, KatB320, Abraham Lincoln, Bambie_G, Backup Singer1 and 2 enter.
Bambie_G: Brothers, I have come here today to sing the song of the holy way. Thou shalt never disrespect the one true living man.
Abraham Lincoln: I came here to eat not to listen. I would not approve.
Kat-B320: i approve.
` BambiG_exe starts rapping.
Eyy i smack people, Put cheese in the tree hole, Leprechauns nose as sharp as an icicle.
Bambie_G and singers exit, A cult enters.
The Cult Members: WE ARE HERE TO COLLECT OUR NEW MEMBER!
Cultist: I WILL CHOSE ON THE COUNT OF THE THREE Bushes!!
Cult Members: CHOOSE CHOOSE CHOOSE CHOOSE CHOOSE!!!
Cultist: I HAVE CHOSEN THE FORTUNATE PERSON!!! BOW BEFORE ME OR PERRISH!!!
Cult: I'm only here because this play has to be slightly normal for my editors.
Abraham Lincoln decides he is a terrible character and evaporates.
Kat-B320: sigh He was a good son. But things do happen. Kat-B320 falls to the ground and dies. David Dobrick’s body is thrown onto the stage, Goku kills all remaining people other than fishermen, Anime cosplayer enters. Wearing a naruto costume.
Cosplayer: OH YEAH I LOVE NARUTO!
/crunchedspine//
Goku: why are you dressed up as me.
Cosplayer: I love you.
Goku: You come with us now.
The curtains close.
Curtains Open revealing a church. The Pope, Goku, knuckles, Dentist, pete, and cosplayer all come into scene. They all stare at a selected person from the audience (Even when speaking).
Pope: I am the pope.
Pope: I am christian.
Goku: without a doubt I do believe that ( Speaking while Pope is talking )
Sign Holder runs across the stage holding a sign that says “Ling has joined the game”. Ling enters.
Ling: I am Ling, you can trust me.
Ling bombs the stage.
Dentist: TEETH TIME! (Screaming as loud as possible (With microphone at maximum volume.)
Dentist puts rubber bands in his teeth and chokes to death on them, Lagoona blue enters.
Lagoona: SLAP ME NOW!
Cosplayer pulls out a staff with a blue gem at the top Cosplayer blasts lagoona with 500 megahertz of something, Goku has a divorce with his dad.
Goku: Why?
Goku blasts lagoona killing her. Staples start falling from the air. A math guy enters.
Math guy: division.
Goku: Its like me and my family.
Math guy: Who are you?
Goku: I am goku.
Goku: Oh my.
An old grandma comes in holding cookies.
Old grandma: I like this.
Knuckles: Let me have a tasty munchy!
Knuckles jumps into math guy killing him. Math Guy dies, Ash reanimates.
Ash: I feel it so good.
Ash has a seizure and dies the set turns dark as every character goes on the stage and start muttering as nazi elmo arises from the crowd raised up on a chair. everything freezes. A light hones in on an old man in the corner.
Old man: And that's the story of my bar mitzvah.
Lights fade music starts as the actors take a bow and exit in various directions around the theatre.
Pete's last name decides its nuvlegiemer
submitted by CrunchedSpine to u/CrunchedSpine [link] [comments]

NordVPN Review - Honest Review

EDIT: Nord is having a 75% off sale AND All plans have 30-day money-back guarantee You can claim that deal by using our special link! @ www.buy-nord.com
NordVPN has been growing at a very fast pace since launching in 2012, and it’s now one of the largest VPN services on the market with over 12 million customers worldwide (according to NordVPN themselves).
NordVPN has grown so much that it now claims to be the “best VPN service provider of 2019” but we all know that’s easier said than done, right?
We needed to understand how good NordVPN really is and answer questions our readers have been asking us:
But before we dive into it, let's take a quick look at NordVPN’s pros and cons:
Pros
Cons
Works with
Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Hulu, BBC iPlayer, Sky, HBO, Torrenting, Kodi
Available on
Windows Mac Ios Android Linux Price from
$2.99/mo
Still, want to know more about NordVPN and whether it’s the right VPN for you?
We’ve carefully tested every single NordVPN app so you can rest assured that we left no stone unturned.
Without further ado, let's get right into this review starting with NordVPN’s speed.
Speed & Reliability Very fast speeds across the world
NordVPN is a very fast VPN – as long as you connect to nearby VPN servers.
It’s not the fastest VPN there is (these VPNs are currently faster), but NordVPN is still very quick and you won’t experience any speed issues.
Both same-country (UK server to UK server) download and upload speeds are impressive, with minimal internet slowdown (around a 5-6% drop from our normal internet speeds).
This makes NordVPN a very good choice for both streaming fans and torrenters.
Speed results from our physical location in London (100Mbps fibre optic connection) to a London test server.
Before using NordVPN:
DOWNLOAD Mbps 94.83
UPLOAD Mbps 91.8
PING ms 3
When connected to NordVPN:
DOWNLOAD Mbps 90.51
UPLOAD Mbps 86.28
PING ms 5
Download speed without NordVPN: 94.83Mbps
Download speed with NordVPN: 90.51Mbps
Our download speed loss when NordVPN is running: 5%
As you can see, NordVPN registered very impressive speeds when we connected to a nearby VPN server. It’s less impressive – but still very usable – over long-distance connections, though.
Here are the average download and upload speeds connecting out from the UK to NordVPN’s servers:
USA: 47Mbps (download) & 48Mbps (upload) Germany: 78Mbps (download) & 77Mbps (upload) Singapore: 17Mbps (download) & 6Mbps (upload) Australia: 22Mbps (download) & 3Mbps (upload) Ping times are also fairly low on most of NordVPN’s servers, which is good for gaming although there are better VPNs available to gamers.
Server Locations Over 5,600 VPN servers spread across 60 countries worldwide
Globe with a blue flag 60 Countries Image of a city landscape 90+ Cities Image of a pink marker 5,600+ IP Addresses See all Server Locations NordVPN’s server list covers 60 countries – it isn’t the widest VPN server range we’ve seen, but it should almost certainly ensure there is a server located near you.
Screenshot of NordVPN Server List in App
NordVPN provides a whopping 5,600 VPN servers, none of which are virtual, with each server given a static IP address. This is the highest number of VPN servers provided by a top VPN service, which is impressive. Even better, NordVPN owns all of the servers in its network.
NordVPN’s server network covers all of the popular server locations such as the UK, the US, Australia, and Canada, as well as less common locations including Argentina, Egypt, and Albania.
NordVPN provides city-level server choices in five different countries, too:
Australia (five locations, 200+ servers) Canada (three locations, 400+ servers) Germany (two locations, 200+ servers) India (two locations, 20+ servers) The US (20 locations, 1,800+ servers) NordVPN used to offer city-level choice in the UK (London and Manchester) but recently removed the Manchester VPN servers as “their performance was lacking.” NordVPN have added even more servers in London in order to ensure the best speeds for those located in the UK.
Streaming & Torrenting An excellent choice for streaming & torrenting
Thanks to its SmartPlay technology, NordVPN consistently works with popular streaming services like Netflix and BBC iPlayer.
To watch Netflix, simply click on the US or UK VPN country server and the NordVPN app will automatically find the best option for you.
NordVPN also unlocks loads more Netflix libraries, including Canada, Japan, France, Italy, and Germany.
Not all of NordVPN’s UK servers provide access to BBC iPlayer, but a quick message to live chat will let you know which ones are currently working.
That will save you the trial-and-error of testing out all of NordVPN’s hundreds of UK servers. This is a big plus, as many other VPN providers can’t unlock BBC iPlayer.
Unrestricted access to streaming services doesn’t stop there. Many of NordVPN’s customers use the VPN service to stream:
Amazon Prime Video Hulu HBO Sling TV Sky Now TV Torrenting Torrenting (and other P2P traffic) isn’t allowed on every single NordVPN server, but there’s still more than enough server choice to keep torrenters and Kodi streamers happy.
You can torrent while connected to almost every country on NordVPN’s server list – these are listed under ‘Speciality Servers’ within in the app settings.
However, the following countries do not permit P2P:
Argentina Costa Rica Chile Cyrpus Egypt Georgia Indonesia Malaysia South Korea Taiwan Thailand Vietnam Ukraine United Arab Emirates If you attempt to torrent while connected to a VPN server that doesn’t support P2P NordVPN will simply re-route your traffic through a dedicated server located in either Canada or the Netherlands.
With plenty of added security features – such as its VPN kill switch – and a no-logs policy, NordVPN is without a doubt one of the safest VPNs for torrenting. Fast uploads and downloads make it a great choice too.
Bypassing Censorship Obfuscated VPN servers work in China intermittently
Since the VPN crackdown in China, NordVPN has become a little less reliable for residents or visitors in China, but it’s still a pretty good choice of VPN.
Users have reported that NordVPN’s obfuscated servers often bypass the Chinese censors, but others have experienced difficulties connecting to them.
NordVPN’s obfuscated servers are spread out fairly evenly, with options in North America, North Africa, Asia, and Europe, so you shouldn’t be too far away from one.
There are no obfuscated VPN servers available on the NordVPN iOS app, though, so iPhone users may struggle to connect from China without some manual configuration.
See our latest VPN recommendations if you’re looking for a reliable VPN for China, or you can read our ExpressVPN review or our VyprVPN review, two of our top choices.
That’s just China, though – in other high censorship countries like Saudi Arabia and Russia NordVPN remains a solid VPN choice to bypass censorship.
Platforms & Devices Protect all your devices with a wide range of custom VPN apps
Apps Windows Logo Windows Mac Logo Mac iOS Logo iOS Android Logo Android Linux Logo Linux Router Logo Router NordVPN has simple native VPN apps for all major operating systems:
Windows macOS iOS Android Linux (yes, even Linux) If your device is not compatible with the custom apps above, you can also install NordVPN on your router.
What’s more, you can use NordVPN on up to six devices at the same time using just one VPN subscription, which is one of the highest allowances we’ve seen.
Games Consoles & Streaming Devices AppleTV Logo AppleTV Amazon Fire TV Logo Amazon Fire TV Chromecast Logo Chromecast Nintendo Logo Nintendo PlayStation Logo PlayStation Roku Logo Roku Xbox Logo Xbox NordVPN has an Android TV app, meaning you can use the VPN app with streaming devices such as Android TV and the Amazon Fire TV Stick without any manual configuration.
In fact, NordVPN is one of the best VPNs for the Fire TV although it is not our top recommendation. If you own a Firestick and want to use a VPN app with it, take a look at our roundup of the best VPNs for Fire TV and Fire TV Stick.
If you want to run NordVPN on your other streaming devices or games consoles like Xbox and PlayStation, though, you’ll need to install it at router level. It’s not too difficult and it means that all devices connected to the router will be protected.
Browser Extensions Chrome Logo Chrome Firefox Logo Firefox NordVPN provides VPN extensions for Google Chrome and Mozilla Firefox.
These VPN add-ons encrypt your browser traffic, but protection ends there so we always suggest using NordVPN’s extensions in conjunction with the main VPN application or client.
The extensions also have an in-built WebRTC leak blocker, which is an extremely useful bonus.
NordVPN doesn’t yet have VPN extensions for Safari or Opera browsers.
Encryption & Security Secure VPN with advanced features but lacking protocol flexibility
Protocol IKEv2/IPSec
OpenVPN (TCP/UDP)
WireGuard
Encryption AES-256
Security DNS Leak Blocking
First-party DNS
Supports TCP Port 443
VPN Kill Switch
WebRTC Leak Blocking
Advanced features Double VPN
TOR via VPN Server
Please see our VPN Glossary if these terms confuse you and would like to learn more.
NordVPN has only one choice of VPN protocol by default, but it’s our personal favourite: OpenVPN. The iOS and macOS apps (available to download directly from the Apple App Store) run on IKEv2, though.
OpenVPN provides the perfect blend of speed and security. It encrypts all your internet traffic using the ‘unhackable’ AES-256 cypher.
Screenshot of NordVPN Settings Menu in App
You can also use IKEv2 with NordVPN’s Windows and Android apps if you like, but it requires an extra download and a lot of advanced setup (manual configuration).
The VPN kill switch feature protects your IP address in the event of a connection drop, and NordVPN’s privately owned and operated DNS servers ensure end-to-end protection.
NordVPN provides Double VPN (multi-hop) and Tor over VPN (Onion over VPN) for extra encryption.
As with all the VPN providers we review, we carried out extensive testing to find IP and DNS leaks when using NordVPN and we are happy to report that we found no leaks whatsoever.
Screenshot of browserleaks.com test results for NordVPN Leak test results on browserleaks.com while connected to a NordVPN US server. We test from the UK.
NordVPN has recently released a new technology for Linux users called NordLynx that’s based on the WireGuard VPN protocol.
WireGuard is a new VPN protocol that aims to be faster and more secure than the current standards, but it’s still in development so should be considered experimental at this point.
Logging Policy No-logs VPN in a privacy-friendly jurisdiction
NordVPN doesn’t log your traffic or store any user logs, making it a safe and trustworthy VPN.
Here’s a comprehensive list of all the information it does collect:
Server loads That is the full extent of the information NordVPN collects, making it a true no-logs VPN. Server loads are monitored to maintain the optimal performance of VPN servers for users, and nothing else.
Your privacy is upheld above all else, and NordVPN absolutely will not sell your personal data to any third parties.
Jurisdiction NordVPN was founded in 2012 is operated by Tefincom & Co S.A. which is headquartered under the legal jurisdiction of Panama, putting it beyond the reach of US and EU data retention laws.
Panama does not require VPN companies to store or report any of their data, nor is it part of any agreements that compel it to share information with other countries.
Being based in Panama gives NordVPN the power to deny any third-party data requests, so there is absolutely no way that any of your online activity can be traced back to you.
In 2018, NordVPN came under some heat as it was accused of not being headquartered in Panama. The reason for the controversy is that when you purchased NordVPN on Google Play Store, at the time the Seller of NordVPN was listed as CloudVPN INC. (a company registered in the US), and not Tefincom & Co S.A.
It turns out that CloudVPN INC. is a payment processor and NordVPN was simply using it to handle payments, similarly to how other VPN providers use payment processing companies to manage these type of transactions.
Ease of Use Quick and easy setup with simple custom apps
How to Install & Set Up NordVPN Screenshot of NordVPN Download Button Downloading the software is as simple as going to Nord's website and clicking the download button for the appropriate platform.
Screenshot of NordVPN Installation Progress You can check the progress of your installation here, which usually only takes a couple of minutes at most.
Screenshot of NordVPN App Login Screen Once the software is installed, all that's left to do is log into the app and you're ready to go.
Screenshot of NordVPN Desktop App Main Screen The main NordVPN app view with server locations to the left, which are also presented as pins on the map.
Screenshot of NordVPN Specialty Servers On the left-hand side of the app, you can see the full list of server locations and speciality servers for P2P, Double VPN, etc.
Screenshot of NordVPN City-Level Servers Hover over a country name and click on the three horizontal dots that appear in order to select a city-level server.
Screenshot of NordVPN Connected Screen You will know when NordVPN is working because the server location you are connected to and your new IP address will be displayed at the bottom of the app.
Screenshot of NordVPN General App Settings You can find the general settings by clicking 'Settings' at the top of the app. These consist of simple toggles for general settings, including the VPN kill switch.
Screenshot of NordVPN Advanced App Settings Scroll down to the bottom of the settings menu to find the advanced options. After confirming that you know what you're doing, you can toggle between TCP/UDP and use obfuscated servers.
The NordVPN website has comprehensive VPN setup guides for whatever platform you happen to be using, but it’s unlikely you’ll ever need them.
All of NordVPN’s custom VPN apps run smoothly and are almost entirely self-explanatory.
If you want to play around with advanced settings then you’re welcome to do that too – they’re clearly labelled and the app even warns you not to do so unless you know what you’re doing.
Browser Extensions Screenshot of NordVPN Chrome Extension
It couldn’t be much easier to set up NordVPN’s browser extensions – just go to the Google Chrome or Mozilla Firefox store and download the add-on to your browser.
Once you’ve logged on you can choose a server and connect. We’d recommend enabling ‘Block WebRTC’ from the settings menu to prevent any potential IP leaks.
Customer Support Helpful live chat support & useful online resources
24/7 Live chat support Online Resources NordVPN provides excellent quality customer support both through its extensive knowledge base and via online live chat.
Email support isn’t as good and we’ve found responses to be slow at times. There is really no reason to email customer support, though, as NordVPN’s live chat service is 24/7.
Encounter any issues? NordVPN running slow, perhaps? No problem – support agents respond quickly and are extremely friendly and helpful, managing to fix most of our VPN issues within a couple of minutes.
NordVPN’s troubleshooting guides are very useful, too, covering a variety of potential VPN issues and providing a range of possible solutions.
Pricing & Deals Fantastic value for money on longer plans
NordVPN Coupon NordVPN logo NordVPN
Get 58% off NordVPN's 12-month plan
TestedEnds 1 Sep Get Code10 Terms NordVPN Pricing Plan NordVPN is one of the best VPN services on the market, and it’s not very expensive at all. Also, every NordVPN price plan offers exactly the same VPN features.
NordVPN costs a fairly pricey $11.95 if you pay month-by-month, but the price drops by almost half to $6.99 a month for annual plans.
For the biggest savings, NordVPN’s three-year special deal costs just $2.99 per month, a saving of 75%.
Monthly
US$11.95/mo
Billed $11.95 every month 12 Months
US$6.99/mo
Billed $83.88 every 12 months Save 41% 2 Years
US$3.99/mo
Billed $95.75 every 2 years Save 66% 3 Years
US$2.99/mo
Billed $107.55 every 3 years Save 75% All plans have 30-day money-back guarantee This is the best option available, $107 for 3 years coverage is unbeatable in the VPN sector. You can claim that deal by using our special link! @ www.buy-nord.com Payment & Refund Options NordVPN accepts a few different payment options, but it recently made the decision to stop accepting PayPal. The VPN service now uses Adyen for credit card payments, which it claims offers a greater level of privacy for customers due to its self-contained nature.
Here are the accepted payment methods, which include some cryptocurrencies for those seeking higher levels of privacy:
Credit and debit cards Direct debit Amazon Pay Bitcoin Ethereum Ripple Alipay UnionPay
NordVPN no longer comes with a free VPN trial, but it does offer a 30-day money-back guarantee.
You can cancel your NordVPN subscription within 30 days by contacting the customer support team through live chat. You will have to go through a troubleshooting process first, but the refund should be processed within 10 business days.
submitted by Zinkzd to VPNsReddit [link] [comments]

12-24 11:44 - 'A Truly Decentralized Bitcoin Gambling Game' (self.Bitcoin) by /u/unbreakabledisease removed from /r/Bitcoin within 8-18min

'''
A Truly Decentralized Bitcoin Gambling Game
You have got a chance to gamble some Bitcoin in a truly decentralized manner! No those centralized Bitcoin pseudo-"casions" websites that are provably unfair!
This is nothing like you ever seen before. It's a completely new era of Internet gambling. No house, just real peer-to-peer gambling. And it's STUPIDLY EASY to play!
Don't forget to gamble responsibly! If you are addicted to gambling or otherwise have a problem with it, please look here: [link]1
Here's how it works:
  1. You send some Bitcoins to address at your lucky number (at least 0.001 BTC, that is 1mBTC or 1000uBTC).
  2. You replace address at the lucky number with your own.
  3. You further send this message on forums, social media/networking sites/apps, instant messengers, private/direct messages, chat rooms, etc.
  4. Other people repeat this actions and if you'll get lucky, chances are that other people will send Bitcoins to your address! For each person you'll win 0.001 BTC! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- If you are curious and want to play, here is how you do:
\1. If you don't have Bitcoins yet, get them the way you want to. There are many ways to earn Bitcoins online. You can just buy them also the way you want to.
\2. Copy&paste this message to text editomemos app on your phone. If you don't have one on your phone, I would recommend Google Keep: [link]2
\3. Choose your lucky number from 1 to 6, or if you are unsure, roll the dice. If you don't have access to real dice or don't want to use it (extremely common among mobile users), use this true RNG-based (random number generator) dice roller: [link]3
\4. Now as you have selected your lucky number or rolled the dice, send AT LEAST 0.001 BTC/1mBTC/1000uBTC to the address at your lucky number.
I hope you know how to do it, but in case you are a newbie, here are the steps:
(If you are a tech savvy user and something changes, change the text above so less tech-savvy users are able to participate in this game as well)
List of Bitcoin addresses in game:
First
  1. 13eRmB2VUrzAUSDrgf72HcJJFok7Yz1vnM
  2. 1GntngcAgofNXpRL2LvUMHSA7cMbBjdHUx
  3. 1ERfw7DZaRNUMrCk4iiSXBRE6BkKwNHPfY
  4. 1L4JkoQWrL6qNbE4nGiT6SxLWkNY4V3JL4
  5. 1EHeGgJzoDE3z9ExgdjX2cix858qGdq7cM
  6. 1f27wMz8uy3LWTHLATppVeYGjdzkqTbr7
Last
\5. Now as you have sent Bitcoins to your selected address, remove it and replace it with your own.
If you don't know how, I will explain you the way:
(If you are a tech savvy user and something changes, change the text above so less tech-savvy users are able to participate in this game as well)
Now it's the final step.
\6. Send this message further on forums, social media/networking sites/apps, instant messengers, private/direct messages, chat rooms, etc.
Gambling should be entertaining. Remember that you always risk losing the money you bet, so do not spend more than you can afford to lose. We encourage responsible gambling, anyone participating in gambling does so at their own risk. Use of the information discussed here is at your own discretion.
'''
A Truly Decentralized Bitcoin Gambling Game
Go1dfish undelete link
unreddit undelete link
Author: unbreakabledisease
1: ww*.h*lpgu**e.*rg/ar**cles/addict*ons****bl*ng-addicti*n-an*-problem*g*mbl*n*.*tm 2: play.*oo*l***o*/store/apps/d*tail*?id=*o*.go***e.androi*.*eep 3: *ww.ra*d*m*o*g/di*e/?num=1
Unknown links are censored to prevent spreading illicit content.
submitted by removalbot to removalbot [link] [comments]

Tech Wizard

“This person does not exist, huh?” Another empty Saturday of my recently unemployed schedule slides by without a thought as to appointments to keep. My finger slides endlessly through Reddit’s constantly generating front page, all concern to the content long gone. I tap the link and find a website that purports presenting randomly generated faces.
I’ve not exactly the sharpest attention to detail so at first the randomly generated faces seem normal to me. Eventually, even the dimmest eye can begin to discern uncanny features on the randomly generated faces. Ridges over eyes are too pronounced and the skin appears wrinkled in some places and smooth in others. Irises differ in shape and size and sometimes even color. That’s just the little stuff. Refresh the page over again long enough and you start to come across aberrations such as glasses that don’t connect to their lenses or hats that do not cast a shadow.
Scroll long enough and you are lucky to come across the blatant abominations of a soulless AI that only such a program could create. Facial features appear deformed and broken, melding into their surroundings in a discolored and melting mess. Companions of the photograph’s focus are inhuman monsters with mouths sutured shut and eyes that stare emptily into your soul.
You know- basic computer fun.
That being said, it grows old real fast to a mind that has been nurtured into a desire for instant gratification and a desire for entertainment. I click out of the new tab and go back to scrolling Reddit. The message hits my iPhone with a sharp ring and a notification box slips out of the top of the screen.
Jay: Hey, can I borrow a phone-charger adapter? All mine are in use right now.
I roll my eyes though its not exactly a great burden on my back.
Me: Sure, but you need to come down here.
I hear the ceiling above creak and squeak as my upstairs neighbor hoists himself off of his couch and walks across his living room floor. My apartment is an old building, full of the wear and tear of a building from a fading age, built in a rural area in expectation of local development that never came. I hear the upstairs door open and shut, and the stairs outside rattle with Jay stomping down the stairs. He knocks on the door twice and then comes inside without invitation.
In the two years that I’ve lived in this apartment, Jay’s the only one that I’ve become on a first-name basis with. I’ve always had a hard time making friends due to general social awkwardness, but Jay seemed invulnerable to any sense of shame or ability to sense offense. Eventually, he wormed his way into my affections, despite being nearly ten years older, through sheer persistence and ignorance.
“Hey man,” Jay says with a friendly smile that changes a bad case of resting bitch face to a welcoming warm glow. “Is it in your spare drawer?” Jay was an imposing man that was somewhere between muscular and chubby and had a pair of horn-rimmed glasses dangling from the collar of a dusty blue button-up. His hair was beginning to migrate from the middle of the top of his head to an ever thickening beard that would rival that of any philosopher.
“Yup.” I nod, returning his gesture. “In the kitchen.”
“Cool.” Jay nods and slips his flip flops off and walks into the kitchen at a near jog. “Hey, I’m going to Family Fare later, do you wanna go along?”
I shrug, “Sure. I need to get some rice.” I go back to my phone and then glance back at him. “Ooh, some steak also.”
Jay comes out of my kitchen with a outlet-USB adapter cradled in his left hand. “Cool, I’ll text you.” He begins going for the door before I interrupt him. “What are you working on today? You seem too excited to be designing a website for a church.”
Jay’s smile returns with an intensity to rival the sun. “Oh yeah, I don’t think I’ve told you about it yet.” He holds out his hands, both flat, though his left one cradled the USB adapter under his thumb. “Alright, picture this. Only you are the one who knows your schedule, right? Or how hot you like your room at night, right?” He pauses enough for a half nod on my part, but quickly continues. “Alright, now imagine that you can clone a little copy of all your little likes and dislikes and install it onto a server that runs your smart home, after bundling it with an AI. Then, this little copy of you could do everything that you want to do on a digital basis, making your life way easier!” He stops and stared at my face.
“Isn’t that the plot of a Black Mirror episode? Maybe a bunch of them?” I ask, blurting out the first thing on my mind.
Jay seemed confused for a moment, then shrugged, “Is that the technology Twilight-Zone thing you keep trying to get me to watch?”
I nod in reply and Jay gives me a sidelong glance. “They haven’t done it though, right? Like in real life?”
“I don’t think so.” I say with a shrug. “I don’t even think they have the capability to design commercial AI yet though.”
“I’m not concerned about what they can do.” Jay says with a dismissing wave. “The idea is still potentially profitable, right?”
“I guess.” I reply and Jay’s smile returns. “But what about the ethical and moral problems of creating a being capable of understanding reality, adding a person to it, then trapping them into a role. Isn’t that similar to creating life just to subject it to slavery?”
Jay holds both his hands up in mock defense without dropping his smile, “Woooah, Mister Philosopher over here. I don’t care about that stuff, come on. Plus I’m gonna create safeguards against that stuff.”
“Whatever, man.” Shaking my head, I scroll back up to the link to the web page in my history. I open up the randomly generated face of an elderly Asian woman and then turn the phone around to show Jay. “Hey dude, what do you think of this?”
Jay steps forward and takes the phone into his hand. “Looks like a face. Looks like its been messed with a bit on Photo-shop or something.” He turns it back around. “Like the nose is too elongated here.” He points to the left nostril. “What about it?”
“Hit refresh.” I say and he taps the button. The page reloads and another face shows up. This time, its a young black woman with a companion whose face is distorted beyond any recognizable parameter as a human.
“Wow.” Jay says and taps the button again. He tosses the phone back to me and it drops onto my lap, showing a picture of a redheaded man, smiling with a flesh-colored hat. “That’s crazy stuff right there dude, I wouldn’t mess around with it too much.”
I smile, “What do you mean?”
“Looks like a viral site or something. Trust me, just don’t mess around with it.”
“Viral?” I begin as Jay slides on his flip flops. In place of his usual smile is now a gruff expression, him appearing lost in thought. I continue on, sitting up. “Isn’t iOS sand-boxed to hell? How would I get a virus from a site on Reddit’s front page without someone commenting about it?”
“Trust me, Peter.” Jay’s rough tone takes me by surprise. “I don’t know very much, but I know what I’m saying when I say that you should stay off that page.”
He opens the door and then walks out without another word.
I snort and press the sleep button, letting the generated man’s face sink into darkness and drop the phone onto the floor next to the couch. Getting up, I head to the kitchen and begin sorting through my cupboards and refrigerator, searching for food items I’m going to need. Milk, beans, apples, etc. Knowing I’m going to need to make a list, I head back into the living room and snag my phone from the living room floor. After typing in my pass code, the man’s face reappears. I snort again while walking into the kitchen.
I grew up with this stuff. It’s not like I don’t recognize a viral download when I see one. Where’s the Trojan download request, or pop-ups? I think to myself. I refresh the page again just for laughs.
A smiling Caucasian smiles at the camera, fairly normal in appearance. There is, of course, a blue mucoid blob next to her in frame, but all in all there is nothing sinister or dark about this. No real Nosleep material, as it were.
I close out of the tab and tap out a list of things to buy with my dwindling savings. Hopefully my unemployment would get sorted out soon. I’ve never gone on unemployment before and my father, who had some knowledge of the law, said my case seemed ideal for it.
The thought of what Jay had said begins to irk me slightly. Does he think that I’m a dumbass or something?
I need paper towels too. I tap that into my list.
I know that I’m not great at detecting tone or hidden meanings behind words, but it seems weird that Jay would say that to me.
Toilet paper? No, I’m good at that. Same as toothpaste and floss. I do need mouthwash, though.
There’s no way that’s a virus. I think. Sighing, I finish up my list and open up Safari again. I navigate to the list of comments below the link. Scrolling down, I see no comments about malicious software or hackers or anything like that. Just Imgur links to disconcerting results and threads mocking the realism of the pictures.
Setting down the phone on my coffee table, I grab the remote to my TV and flipped it on. Grabbing the GameCube controller hooked up to my Switch and turned the console on and try to idly explore Hyrule in Breath of the Wild, but my mind is occupied too much to be distracted.
Minutes pass by and my mind begins to delve into all the bad possibilities, like that I had offended Jay, or perhaps he did really think I was that stupid- as my mind is apt to wander.
“Ugh.” Groaning, I finally set the controller down and go to the door for my beat up hi-tops. Jay’s pretty hard to offend and he knows me pretty well, so he wouldn’t think it is too weird if I asked for clarification about his statement.
I walk out into the hallway and close the door behind me.
Sure is cold out today. I think, even though a quick glance to the double glass doors at the front of the complex confirms they are both shut.
The trip upstairs is quick and I knock on Jay’s door.
“If it’s Peter, then come in!” A voice calls from within.
Opening the door, I step into an apartment far more cluttered than my somewhat minimalist interior design. Stacks of manuals and technical magazines clutter the floor, intermixed with CDs in jewel cases and USB sticks. Old laptops are stacked on top of computer towers along the back wall on either side of a couch that is clear enough for a blanket and pillow, both of which are oddly neat and folded. In the center of the living room are three plastic totes spilling over with green computer components, neatly bundled cords and wires, and random adapters and such. As long as I’ve been friends with Jay, I’ve never actually set foot in his apartment. I’ve seen the inside, but we always hang out at my place.
“Jay, where are you?” I call out over the quiet hum of box fans spraying cool air all over the room. The window is open, despite it being winter.
“In the bedroom!” Jay replies and I head for the door before Jay steps out and shuts it behind him. In the glimpse that I have of his bedroom, I see boxes on shelves with blinking lights and neatly arranged cords that I can only conclude is some kind of server setup or something.
“Jeez man, are you mining bitcoin or something?” I ask half-jokingly, but Jay shakes his head.
“Naw. That become unprofitable a few years back. What’s up?”
“Listen Jay, I was just wondering about what you said. I don’t want you to think I meant offense if I offended you about-” Jay interrupts me with an upheld hand.
“I figured you were coming in about that. I shoulda phrased it better. I’m sorry.” He says with an apologetic frown. “It’s nothing.” I reply and pause, “But what is so wrong about that site? I couldn’t find anything about it. I mean, it just seems like...” I trail off, waiting for a response.
Jay sighs and shakes his head, “Listen, you don’t like math or stuff like that, right?”
I shake my head but continue before he says anything, “No, but I’m pretty curious about this.”
Jay looks away reluctantly and then speaks. “Okay, listen. The site that you showed me has a program that generates a randomly-featured face, right?”
“Okay?” I say. Jay moves to the couch and grabs his pillow and blankets in a nice stack. He removes them to the top of the plastic totes and takes a seat. After waiting for me to sit, he continues, lacking any of the excitement that he usually gets about technology.
“When the program blends faces together, it gets what appears to be on the surface, a new face. Depending on the sample size of the data fed into the database the program pulls from, any type of face could be generated. The number of possibilities goes up with each entry into the system.”
“So what?”
“So, if a large enough sample size exists, and a large enough amount of randomized features exist, then the output has, for our purpose, an infinite number of possibilities.”
“But it’s not infinite. For it to be infinite-” Jay interrupts me with a nod, “Yeah, yeah, but for OUR purpose, its infinite.”
“Okay?”
“So eventually, given enough time, the system will generate a face that is identical to a face that is in reality, right? Even with all the distortions and whatever, eventually one will get created, right?”
“Given enough time.” I quote him back his own condition.
“Yup. The more people messing with it, the more that it has the chance to output a real value.”
“So why does any of this matter? Are you gonna tell me the person stops existing?” I begin to chuckle but stopped when I see him shaking his head sadly.
“What, Jay?” I tease, less joyfully than I had. “You superstitious?”
Jay reaches into the pocket of his sweats and pulls out an iPhone. Typing on the screen, he quickly pulls up the website and points to the URL. “You see the name of the website?”
“Yeah. What about it?” Speaking with a shrug, I watch his face grow deadly serious.
With a few taps, Jay opens a window to the side of the website filled with what I surmise is the code for the operation.
“Do you see all this?” Jay taps a few places on the text-filled window and then flips it to show me a bunch of meaningless brackets, colons and equal signs intermixed with words.
“Yeah, its just code.”
“Okay.” Jay says. He taps something on the screen a few times, sets the phone down and mumbles something that sounds like “I guess I trust him.”
He reaches forward and taps me on the nose. “Boop!” A small shock that feels like a static discharge burns my nose and I recoil.” Ow.
“What was that for?” I calmly ask, beginning to grow pissed off.
Without a word, Jay lifts his phone and shows me the text window.
Strange symbols and letters formed from slashes and grammar symbols appear to be intermixed with the code now. They seem almost to project themselves from the screen in an odd mimicry of a 3-D movie. It’s hard to see the text behind it, or even anything as my focus is locked onto the floating runes. They seem to float out of the screen, growing brighter and brighter as reality grows dim.
Then Jay shuts the screen off. I have to blink a few times to clear my vision of the etched symbols.
“Wow. Wow. WOW.” I begin to stutter out, but Jay snaps his fingers in front of my face to reclaim my attention.
“I might as well go all the way.” Jay says with a shrug. “The name of the website is something called a ‘True Statement’ in that it is unconditionally true. It’s always true that the output of the website does not exist. So if the output is a real person, than that person ceases to exist, with all effects and differences they’ve made in reality changing with them. Reality has already changed six times since this thing was created. When you showed it to me, it seemed off so I came up and checked the source code.”
“What? What do you-” I interrupted, but Jay kept speaking.
“These symbols are, at a basic level, magical spells in the code that do stuff. This was created by someone bad.”
“How do you even know all of this?” I asked and he shrugged. “I’m good with magic. I mean, technology makes it way easier than it used to be.
I stare at him stunned. I regret the first thing that rolls out of my mouth. “So I guess you could say you are a tech wizard, huh?”
Jay stares at me, mouth hanging open. “Are you serious?” He stands up, gesturing with his hands frantically. “That’s your response to this? A pun?” He puts his hand on his forehead. “I was freaking out about someone finding this out, but...” he trails off.
“So now what?” I ask.
Part two here: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/arnhwt/tech_wizard_part_2/
submitted by Secondbornwriter to nosleep [link] [comments]

Elaborating on Datadash's 50k BTC Prediction: Why We Endorse the Call

As originally published via CoinLive
I am the Co-Founder at CoinLive. Prior to founding Coinlive.io, my area of expertise was inter-market analysis. I came across Datadash 50k BTC prediction this week, and I must take my hats off to what I believe is an excellent interpretation of the inter-connectivity of various markets.
At your own convenience, you can find a sample of Intermarket analysis I've written in the past before immersing myself into cryptos full-time.
Gold inter-market: 'Out of sync' with VIX, takes lead from USD/JPY
USD/JPY inter-market: Watch divergence US-Japan yield spread
EUUSD intermarket: US yields collapse amid supply environment
Inter-market analysis: Risk back in vogue, but for how long?
USD/JPY intermarket: Bulls need higher adj in 10-y US-JP spread
The purpose of this article is to dive deeper into the factors Datadash presents in his video and how they can help us draw certain conclusions about the potential flows of capital into crypto markets and the need that will exist for a BTC ETF.
Before I do so, as a brief explainer, let's touch on what exactly Intermarket analysis refers to:
Intermarket analysis is the global interconnectivity between equities, bonds, currencies, commodities, and any other asset class; Global markets are an ever-evolving discounting and constant valuation mechanism and by studying their interconnectivity, we are much better positioned to explain and elaborate on why certain moves occur, future directions and gain insights on potential misalignments that the market may not have picked up on yet or might be ignoring/manipulating.
While such interconnectivity has proven to be quite limiting when it comes to the value one can extract from analyzing traditional financial assets and the crypto market, Datadash has eloquently been able to build a hypothesis, which as an Intermarket analyst, I consider very valid, and that matches up my own views. Nicolas Merten constructs a scenario which leads him to believe that a Bitcoin ETF is coming. Let's explore this hypothesis.
I will attempt to summarize and provide further clarity on why the current events in traditional asset classes, as described by Datadash, will inevitably result in a Bitcoin ETF. Make no mistake, Datadash's call for Bitcoin at 50k by the end of 2018 will be well justified once a BTC ETF is approved. While the timing is the most challenging part t get right, the end result won't vary.
If one wishes to learn more about my personal views on why a BTC ETF is such a big deal, I encourage you to read my article from late March this year.
Don't Be Misled by Low Liquidity/Volume - Fundamentals Never Stronger
The first point Nicholas Merten makes is that despite depressed volume levels, the fundamentals are very sound. That, I must say, is a point I couldn't agree more. In fact, I recently wrote an article titled The Paradox: Bitcoin Keeps Selling as Intrinsic Value Set to Explode where I state "the latest developments in Bitcoin's technology makes it paradoxically an ever increasingly interesting investment proposition the cheaper it gets."
However, no article better defines where we stand in terms of fundamentals than the one I wrote back on May 15th titled Find Out Why Institutions Will Flood the Bitcoin Market, where I look at the ever-growing list of evidence that shows why a new type of investors, the institutional ones, looks set to enter the market in mass.
Nicholas believes that based on the supply of Bitcoin, the market capitalization can reach about $800b. He makes a case that with the fundamentals in bitcoin much stronger, it wouldn't be that hard to envision the market cap more than double from its most recent all-time high of more than $300b.
Interest Rates Set to Rise Further
First of all, one of the most immediate implications of higher rates is the increased difficulty to bear the costs by borrowers, which leads Nicholas to believe that banks the likes of Deutsche Bank will face a tough environment going forward. The CEO of the giant German lender has actually warned that second-quarter results would reflect a “revenue environment [that] remains challenging."
Nicholas refers to the historical chart of Eurodollar LIBOR rates as illustrated below to strengthen the case that interest rates are set to follow an upward trajectory in the years to come as Central Banks continue to normalize monetary policies after a decade since the global financial crisis. I'd say, that is a correct assumption, although one must take into account the Italian crisis to be aware that a delay in higher European rates is a real possibility now.
![](https://coinlive.io/ckeditor_assets/pictures/947/content_2018-05-30_1100.png)
Let's look at the following combinations: Fed Fund Rate Contract (green), German 2-year bond yields (black) and Italy's 10-year bond yield (blue) to help us clarify what's the outlook for interest rates both in Europe and the United States in the foreseeable future. The chart suggests that while the Federal Reserve remains on track to keep increasing interest rates at a gradual pace, there has been a sudden change in the outlook for European rates in the short-end of the curve.
While the European Central Bank is no longer endorsing proactive policies as part of its long-standing QE narrative, President Mario Draghi is still not ready to communicate an exit strategy to its unconventional stimulus program due to protectionism threats in the euro-area, with Italy the latest nightmare episode.
Until such major step is taken in the form of a formal QE conclusion, interest rates in the European Union will remain depressed; the latest drastic spike in Italy's benchmark bond yield to default levels is pre-emptive of lower rates for longer, an environment that on one hand may benefit the likes of Deutsche Bank on lower borrowing costs, but on the other hand, sets in motion a bigger headache as risk aversion is set to dominate financial markets, which leads to worse financial consequences such as loss of confidence and hence in equity valuations.
![](https://coinlive.io/ckeditor_assets/pictures/948/content_2018-05-30_1113.png)
Deutsche Bank - End of the Road?
Nicholas argues that as part of the re-restructuring process in Deutsche Bank, they will be facing a much more challenging environment as lending becomes more difficult on higher interest rates. At CoinLive, we still believe this to be a logical scenario to expect, even if a delay happens as the ECB tries to deal with the Italian political crisis which once again raises the question of whether or not Italy should be part of the EU. Reference to an article by Zerohedge is given, where it states:
"One day after the WSJ reported that the biggest German bank is set to "decimate" its workforce, firing 10,000 workers or one in ten, this morning Deutsche Bank confirmed plans to cut thousands of jobs as part of new CEO Christian Sewing's restructuring and cost-cutting effort. The German bank said its headcount would fall “well below” 90,000, from just over 97,000. But the biggest gut punch to employee morale is that the bank would reduce headcount in its equities sales and trading business by about 25%."
There is an undeniably ongoing phenomenon of a migration in job positions from traditional financial markets into blockchain, which as we have reported in the past, it appears to be a logical and rational step to be taken, especially in light of the new revenue streams the blockchain sector has to offer. Proof of that is the fact that Binance, a crypto exchange with around 200 employees and less than 1 year of operations has overcome Deutsche Bank, in total profits. What this communicates is that the opportunities to grow an institution’s revenue stream are formidable once they decide to integrate cryptocurrencies into their business models.
One can find an illustration of Deutsche Bank's free-fall in prices below:
![](https://coinlive.io/ckeditor_assets/pictures/946/content_2018-05-30_1052.png)
Nicholas takes notes of a chart in which one can clearly notice a worrying trend for Italian debt. "Just about every other major investor type has become a net seller (to the ECB) or a non-buyer of BTPs over the last couple of years. Said differently, for well over a year, the only marginal buyer of Italian bonds has been the ECB!", the team of Economists at Citi explained. One can find the article via ZeroHedge here.
![](https://coinlive.io/ckeditor_assets/pictures/953/content_2018-05-30_1451.png)
Equities & Housing to Suffer the Consequences
Nicholas notes that trillions of dollars need to exit these artificially-inflated equity markets. He even mentions a legendary investor such as George Soros, who has recently warned that the world could be on the brink of another devastating financial crisis, on lingering debt concerns in Europe and a strengthening US dollar, as a destabilizing factor for both the US's emerging- and developed-market rivals.
Ray Dalio, another legend in the investing world and Founder of Bridgewater Associates, the world’s largest hedge fund, "has ramped up its short positions in European equities in recent weeks, bringing their total value to an estimated $22 billion", MarketWatch reports.
Nicholas extracts a chart by John Del Vecchio at lmtr.com where it illustrates the ratio between stocks and commodities at the lowest in over 50 years.
As the author states:
"I like to look for extremes in the markets. Extremes often pinpoint areas where returns can be higher and risk lower than in other time periods. Take the relationship between commodities and stocks. The chart below shows that commodities haven not been cheaper than stocks in a generation. We often hear this time it is different” to justify what’s going on in the world. But, one thing that never changes is human nature. People push markets to extremes. Then they revert. "
![](https://coinlive.io/ckeditor_assets/pictures/954/content_2018-05-30_1459.png)
Bitcoin ETF the Holy Grail for a Cyclical Multi-Year Bull Run
It is precisely from this last chart above that leads Nicholas to believe we are on the verge of a resurgence in commodity prices. Not only that but amid the need of all this capital to exit stocks and to a certain extent risky bonds (Italian), a new commodity-based digital currency ETF based on Bitcoin will emerge in 2018.
The author of Datadash highlights the consideration to launching a Bitcoin ETF by the SEC. At CoinLive, our reporting of the subject can be found below:
"Back in April, it was reported that the US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has put back on the table two Bitcoin ETF proposals, according to public documents. The agency is under formal proceedings to approve a rule change that would allow NYSE Arca to list two exchange-traded funds (ETFs) proposed by fund provider ProShares. The introduction of an ETF would make Bitcoin available to a much wider share of market participants, with the ability to directly buy the asset at the click of a button, essentially simplifying the current complexity that involves having to deal with all the cumbersome steps currently in place."
Nicholas refers to the support the Bitcoin ETF has been receiving by the Cboe president Chris Concannon, which is a major positive development. CoinLive reported on the story back in late March, noting that "a Bitcoin ETF will without a doubt open the floodgates to an enormous tsunami of fresh capital entering the space, which based on the latest hints by Concannon, the willingness to keep pushing for it remains unabated as the evolution of digital assets keeps its course."
It has been for quite some time CoinLive's conviction, now supported by no other than Nicholas Merten from Datadash, that over the next 6 months, markets will start factoring in the event of the year, that is, the approval of a Bitcoin ETF that will serve as a alternative vehicle to accommodate the massive flows of capital leaving some of the traditional asset classes. As Nicholas suggests, the SEC will have little choice but to provide alternative investments.
Bitcoin as a Hedge to Lower Portfolios' Volatility
Last but not least, crypto assets such as Bitcoin and the likes have an almost non-existent correlation to other traditional assets such as stocks, bonds, and commodities, which makes for a very attractive and broadly-applicable diversification strategy for the professional money as it reduces one’s portfolio volatility. The moment a Bitcoin ETF is confirmed, expect the non-correlation element of Bitcoin as a major driving force to attract further capital.
Anyone Can Be Wrong Datadash, But You Won't be Wrong Alone
Having analyzed the hypothesis by Nicholas Merten, at CoinLive we believe that the conclusion reached, that is, the creation of a Bitcoin ETF that will provide shelter to a tsunami of capital motivated by the diversification and store of value appeal of Bitcoin, is the next logical step. As per the timing of it, we also anticipate, as Nicholas notes, that it will most likely be subject to the price action in traditional assets. Should equities and credit markets hold steady, it may result in a potential delay, whereas disruption in the capital market may see the need for a BTC ETF accelerate. Either scenario, we will conclude with a quote we wrote back in March.
"It appears as though an ETF on Bitcoin is moving from a state of "If" to "When."
Datadash is certainly not alone on his 50k call. BitMEX CEO Arthur Hayes appears to think along the same line.
On behalf of the CoinLive Team, we want to thank Nicholas Merten at Datadash for such enlightening insights.
submitted by Ivo333 to BitcoinMarkets [link] [comments]

Crypto market decline — Problem or Opportunity?

Crypto market decline — Problem or Opportunity?

https://preview.redd.it/bn0960dil8r31.jpg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8d9e0e26d0c06b2c8db1b42765d87535ec93fb68
In the past 3 months, Bitcoin lost around 40% of its value. A pretty annoying fact for the holders, however, for those out of the market, such period can become a comfortable entry point.
Bitcoin has existed for 10+ years, still, it is a challenge to buy it with a debit/credit card. The main problem is extremely high fees (can be as high as 20%!).
In this article, we have collected and compared several popular services that allow you to buy crypto with a bank card.

“Unbridging the gap”

Sadly, some of these services try to take advantage of inexperienced users and charge sky-high fees. Behind neat interfaces and straightforward user flows lie extremely unfair exchange rates. You can lose as much as 12–18%.
The brightest representatives of such services are Changelly and Indacoin. Please be careful! Always check exchange rates before making a transaction.
https://preview.redd.it/tbssx9stl8r31.png?width=1183&format=png&auto=webp&s=9c226cc9ca72d5a9b59ba95445d2f2ce3cf291d6

Crypto industry still in “infancy” stage

Another way to buy Bitcoin with a bank card is to set up a crypto wallet or a crypto exchange account. Fees here are lower but can be significant too. Still, the majority of wallets and exchanges do not offer this feature.

https://preview.redd.it/vrccxqv2m8r31.png?width=1000&format=png&auto=webp&s=384c76463b01a563e747576c739da2d792fc7d40
An additional inconvenience is that most of these services have a minimum fee. Meaning that you will pay a much higher percentage on small deposits.
For example, if you deposit 50 EUR on Binance, you will pay a minimum fee of 10 EUR, which is 20% of your deposit. To surpass a minimum threshold, you have to deposit more than 286 EUR, which is not always a sum you’re willing to spend.

Our solution

Good news! All these problems are solved on the Blackmoon Platform! We offer you fast and easy bank card deposits with favourable conditions. Our advantages:
  • below-market fee (3%)
  • no minimum fee (no 20% robbery)
  • no minimum deposit (invest any comfortable for you amount)
In fact, the Blackmoon Platform has a 0% deposit fee. The commission is charged by a payment processor. Please beware when using any listed above service that additional foreign exchange-related fee might be charged. Usually, this fee is taken by the card-issuing bank.
Start investing now!
The process is simple and straightforward:
  • Login to your account,
  • Go to the “Dashboard” section,
  • Click on the blue “Deposit” button in the right up corner,
  • Choose the deposit option: credit/debit card;
  • And follow easy steps to complete your transaction.

https://preview.redd.it/cuiq0w6em8r31.png?width=1438&format=png&auto=webp&s=28ffb7ced11f9d78fbf67e539530425fbee741be
One more benefit of our solution is that you don’t need to buy crypto right away. After funding your account with Euro, you can wait for better prices as long as needed. The best way to do this is to place a limit order at the desired price. The order will be executed automatically when the market price reaches your order price. Please, read more about trading in our FAQ.

Upcoming Gram Listing

Telegram Open Network October launch was recently confirmed by Telegram. Grams will become tradable on Blackmoon Exchange right after the launch. Great news! Blackmoon will provide users with an opportunity to buy Grams via bank cards, which, especially in the early months, will be a truly unique offer.
Currently, we are working hard on adding other payment methods to our platform. This includes bank card withdrawals. Subscribe to our social media channels below, and we will keep you informed regarding any further news and developments.
DISCLAIMER
Subject to regional restrictions and terms of use.
Due to the fact that digital currency and digital token markets are unregulated and decentralized, the provision of our services is not governed by any investor protection rules. Investment in digital currency carries a high degree of risk and volatility and is not suitable for every investor; therefore, you should not risk the capital you cannot afford to lose. This post is for information only and does not constitute solicitation or investment advice.
submitted by jbustamovej to BlackMoonCrypto [link] [comments]

r/Bitcoin recap - December 2018

Hi Bitcoiners!
I’m back with the 24th monthly Bitcoin news recap.
For those unfamiliar, each day I pick out the most popularelevant/interesting stories in Bitcoin and save them. At the end of the month I release them in one batch, to give you a quick (but not necessarily the best) overview of what happened in bitcoin over the past month.
You can see recaps of the previous months on Bitcoinsnippets.com
A recap of Bitcoin in December 2018
Adoption * Some statistics on Localbitcoins in Venezuela (2 Dec) * The Lightning Network has grown from 4 btc capacity to 450 since February (5 Dec) * Cash App by Square is the #1 app in the US app store (8 Dec) * Someone buys drinks using bitcoin in a bar in Paris (12 Dec) * The Lightning Network reaches 500 btc in network capacity (21 Dec) * A visualization of 15k lightning network channels (23 Dec) * Several content creators are being banned or abandoning Patreon and considering bitcoin (27 Dec)
Development * A list of possible future changes to Bitcoin by Luke Dash Jr (6 Dec) * Someone creates a Lightning Network micropayment button (7 Dec) * A discussion on the LNTipBot (8 Dec) * The rise of the all-in-one Bitcoin & Lightning node (10 Dec) * The first Bitcoin Lightning to ERC20 Atomic Swap (12 Dec) * A discussion on Schnorr and Taproot on the Bitcoin development mailing list (14 Dec) * Bitcoin Core 0.17.1 is released (25 Dec) * Someone creates an offline tool that fixes mistyped private keys or fixes missing characters (30 Dec)
Security * Some people stole $3.3M in cryptocurrency from over 100 smartphones (7 Dec) * A warning not to use single-address website-generated paper wallets (19 Dec) * Someone proposes January 3rd as an “independence day” where users should control their keys (22 Dec) * A discussion on security against quantum computing attacks in Bitcoin (25 Dec) * Someone’s Electrum Wallet got hacked through a sophisticated attack (27 Dec) * All major hardware wallets were hacked at CCC35 once the physical devices were altered (27 Dec) * A response from Trezor and Ledger on the “hackings” (28 Dec)
Mining * Bitcoin gets its second biggest drop in mining difficulty at -15% (3 Dec) * The Bitcoin mining difficulty is down 31.5% from its peak while hashrate is still increasing (21 Dec)
Business * Bitfury presents the Lightning Network coffee machine (2 Dec) * Bitmain Q3 2018 results show a $740M loss (4 Dec) * Shakepay adds a feature that turns spare change from purchases into bitcoin (13 Dec) * Blockstream satellite coverage is now worldwide (18 Dec) * Tim Draper invests $1.25M in OpenNode (18 Dec) * BlueWallet introduces the MVP of its zero-configuration Lightning payments on iOS and Android (20 Dec) * Bitmain to lay off 50% of its workforce (25 Dec) * Bakkt raises $182.5M (31 Dec)
Education * An updated beginner’s guide on how to build an online store and accept bitcoin payments without coding (1 Dec) * A video discussing the manipulation going on with the bitcoin price by financial institutions (1 Dec) * A video explainer of hashed time lock contracts and routing on the Lightning Network (9 Dec) * A discussion on exchanges and Blockchain-based identities (26 Dec) * An explanation of Lightning Network payment channels (29 Dec)
Regulation & Politics * bitcoin speculation in Denmark has a 53-65% profit tax (5 Dec) * Coinbase executives are allegedly lobbying regulators with lies about bitcoin (20 Dec) * Lawmakers want to change the SEC’s 72-year old securities definition to exclude cryptocurrency (20 Dec) * The US Chief of Staff says Bitcoin is good as it’s out of the hands of governments (17 Dec)
Archeology (Financial Incumbents) * Western Union CEO says they are prepared to add cryptocurrencies when it is necessary (18 Dec)
Price & Trading * The Japanese Yen surpasses the US Dollar as the most traded fiat pair (26 Dec) * The total profit from buying and selling bitcoin on each day of 2017 and 2018 (30 Dec)
Fun & Other * Someone wears a buy bitcoin vest at protests in Paris(1 Dec) * Bitcoin reaches 1 million subscribers (3 Dec) * A discussion on the meaning of “Hodl” (8 Dec) * Coinbase recently moved 856k bitcoins (10 Dec) * An interview with Nick Szabo (11 Dec) * 10-year jail term sought for former Mt Gox CEO Mark Karpeles (12 Dec) * Predictions from 1995 on why the Internet won’t work] (15 Dec) * Timothy C May, the writer of the Crypto Anarchist Manifesto, passes away (15 Dec) * Someone helps a user recover their funds after sending litecoin to a bitcoin address (16 Dec) * A user shows their Bitcoin full node and Lightning node (19 Dec) * Cryptograffiti sells an artwork for 1 millisatoshi (20 Dec) * A discussion on dual economies with bitcoin as the Internet currency (23 Dec) * 2018 was a successful year for Bitcoin in terms of network performance (24 Dec) * A list of a few holiday destinations that are Bitcoin-friendly (28 Dec) * How Amara’s law applies to Bitcoin (29 Dec) * A reminder of the Pineapple fund (31 Dec) * Tony Robbins tweets about Bitcoin to his 3M followers (31 Dec) * TIME magazine on why Bitcoin matters for freedom (31 Dec)
Oh yes, Happy New Year. Let's do our best to keep this subreddit a great place!
submitted by SamWouters to Bitcoin [link] [comments]

Is Bitcoin a good buy now? Thoughts on Bitcoin SV and Chainlink. Trading Bitcoin with Venzen. Altcoin News - Bitcoin Mining, Ethereum Blue, Bitcoin Futures, How do I add the blue Shop Now button on my Facebook page ... Bitcoin: How Cryptocurrencies Work - YouTube 80 Trillion Dollar Bitcoin Exit Plan - YouTube

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Is Bitcoin a good buy now? Thoughts on Bitcoin SV and Chainlink. Trading Bitcoin with Venzen.

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